[[ apologetic theory. ]] `* confessions. broken silence.

I miss you, mother.

2007-07-29T23:20:00.000+08:00

I feel so fucking depressed right now. Akon's Blame It On Me is repeating itself on my Sony Vaio and I reckon the beat's causing me to be in some kinda emotional distress. Checked out Fahmy's friendster earlier on. Seeing him somehow brought back memories. One that I'm sure he must have forgotten all about. 2007's the first year I didnt wish him a happy birthday. He didnt answer my calls nor replied my smses. I reckon he's probably enjoying himself with his new clique of besties. One that I'm not part of. Friends come and go, and i truly believe it.

I'm missing a few people in my life right now. Them Sgh missy's, the Hgs girls, the SIAEC crew and the one person I'm missing most right now; my mother. Dont ask. I just miss her so much right now. And all I'm hoping for is that we could amend things and make it alright. I miss you, mum. I miss you more than I miss Madi.

Crazy bitch.

2007-04-15T22:16:00.000+08:00

Im fucking pissed. Reason being; i hate being unemployed, not doing anything at all, with no income, no boyfriend and i hate people telling me what to do and planning my life! Fucking shyt. My life's all about partying hard, consuming booze, getting laid and getting laid again. And its hard work. Despite the fact that i know my consuming booze and being in my ecstasy paradise is just another pathetic excuse and a lame reason for me to cover up my being miserable; i aint doing much about it. I love the life im leading now. I love the people im with right now. I love doing what i do best; that is, not doing anything at all. Funny thing; i aint understanding myself right now. Doing all the wrong things and heading in the wrong directions, with all the wrong people; its somewhat fun.

My life's all about clubbing + night life. And i fuckingly LOVE it. Not forgetting the numerous guys getting laid and hooked up with. Fuck it. I actually LOVE it. Bitch. HAHA. Eversince i came back from Aussie, i guess my mindset and goals have somewhat changed, for the worse. Been hitting the clubs every week and at times, a whole 3-4 consecutive days per week. Call me crazy if you may, but i think i actually am! I used to hit the clubs just for the music. But now there's more to that. The booze, the music, the guys, getting drunk and getting even more drunk. Bitch man.

I must say; ive fallen head over heels with dbl O. And have been frequenting that place a whole lot! Despite the fact that the place is small, the crowd is superb! Its fucking great. And the screwdrivers are fucking cheap! Damn those bartenders for spiking them drinks, but fuck it. Its superb! You dont get that many clubbers puking all over the place and getting all fucking drunk. Trust me; once you've seen that place, you've seen it all. It sure beats Zouk and MOS. I mean, i LOVE Zouk for the fact that the DJ plays nasty techno/trance tunes. One that can get you really high and in your own ecstasy mood despite sipping just a little bit of booze. And yeahh, speaking of MOS, screw Smooth. I LOVE Studio 54. Retro rocks. The Dj rocks. Stephen Day is hot. And hottie Allen is super hottt. And yes, im friends with Iz, the DJ. HAHA. Crazy bitch; but whatever. He's super cute lah. Seriously!

Okay i think enough of the club shyt talks for now. I LOVE EIN. And thats it. Screw you people who thinks he shouldnt be with me. Like fuck it, bitches. You're just another one of my nemesis. Like whatever. And yes, i NEED a job so badly right now. Money drying up fast with all that late night activities and the aftermath. Anyone wanna offer me a job/money/whatever?

Bitches.
Screw you people.

blah3

2007-02-04T23:11:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry for being completely out of touch.
My mind's been a mess.
My life's been a total wreck.

The downside of having a blog is that as time passes by, i feel less and less inclined to recall and relate information of what have been happening in my supposedly happy life. At times, i sign in on blogger with no idea on what to blog about. Or rather, not wanting to blog at all. What have transpired the past few days were totally insane; which reeled entirely out of my character. Sigh. I shall not indulge on it further. Its shamelessly pathetic.

So january has past and its february now. Surely time ticks like nobody's business. I shudder each time i ponder about the state i am currently in now. The problems arising and surfacing in multiple numbers; totally dis-enabling me to sit down and think of my actions. I scare myself silly with possible "what ifs" questions and answers in different aspects and views of the different situations.

No matter how hard you try to think through the various solutions and possibilities, there's always the non-confidence of an unfruitful outcome. And no matter how hard i try to make people understand the situation i am in now, it just doesnt seem to help. Infact, nothing adds up. I'd only be wasting my energy and breath. Which i think i did. Seriously, no matter how much people say they seem to care and all that shit, i seriously doubt so. I dont think they even understand my feelings, let alone the situation itself.

Everyone's telling me this and that and whatever nots. And its totally not relevant to whatever i'm going through. I thank them peeps who had offered me a listening ear and some, a shoulder to cry and lean on. But somehow, it all goes back to square one. I guess now i understand what people mean when they say, "its your problem, i cant help you on that". Which is totally true.

I guess now i'm back on my path of no journey. Call me temperamental, but i'm just not bothered to entertain the little scrawny tiffs/misunderstandings and whatever shits people have with me. Its funny how some people can be more childish and obnoxious as they get older. And i totally believe now; there aint such a thing as best friends forever. Especially not in a clique of four. I guess you just have to dispense them now. Hate me, love me; i simply dont give a fuck. Maybe its time to stop being "Mr Nice Guy" or whatever they call it. I shall lead my own life. And i shall start making the decisions. For good.

Before it slips out of my mind, i'd like to say a piece on my girl friends. Yes, the ones who truly belong in my life. I guess girl friends are one of the best things in life. If not, they're just simply the best. They're like diamonds. Simply beautiful, genuine and unique. I guess i am lucky, though i have few girl friends. Those girlies with me, are simply the best. A very rare kind of diamonds. I must say, i've plenty of guy friends, hence, thats why i treausre my girl friends. Especially my dear gems who have stuck with me for the past 13 years. Thank you girls for making me seem flawless. I've never felt more complete in my life.

And as the saying goes by Eleanor Roosevel;-
"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart".

I guess now i shall just live life as to how i have been binded to fate. And take things a step at a time. And this time if i fall, i shall just smile and laugh about it.

Now i guess its time for the double Ps.
Patience & Perseverance.
All this in losing weight.

Lets get it on...
*muackss*

blah blah blah.

2007-01-28T13:07:00.000+08:00

Gosh. Its been a long time since i last blogged in. Dont know since how many donkey years ago. Heh. Well, cut it short. Its back to the working season now. Into my 3rd week of traineeship and will be posted to KKH with effective from tomorrow. And it will also be 3 weeks since the departure of Udin and the other Aussie cousies. Am missing them so much. Especially Udin.

The parcel for me came yesterday. I was beaming with joy. A billabong shoulder bag, a roxy wallet and a surf tote bag just for me. I must say, Fil got the best of everything. Hers was a glass award of some sort with her picture engraved in the glass itself. Its super super nice. Jealous nye! Heh.

So yes. Its almost a month now since bro in law dearest has been staying with us. The wedding was fantastic. It went on smoothly despite some misunderstandings and a few uninvited guests. Yes, very melayu one, i know. People my parents barely knew, came, sat for lunch and left. Funny thing is, they're my paternal grandmum's far distant relatives. And i dont know why the fuck she had invited them. So yeah that was the only thing we people were unhappe about. Other than that, things went great.

With the presence of the Aussie cousies, there were alot of clubbing going on. We stayed out late till the AM, danced, partied and drank like hell. Never had i imagine going clubbing with all my cousins, let alone, with my sister! HAHA. It was totally wicked. Stuffs i knew my sister would kill me if she had found out, i did it anyway. I drank infront of her. I danced with different guys infront of her. And yes, bonus question. I did smoke infront of her. I was certainly surprised that i was doing all that shyts infront of her. And in front of my bro in law. HAHA.

But it was fun. And in a matter of 2 weeks of partying, it all had to end. The aussies had to depart and well, us Sgp's, we hatta continue life as it was. Back to all that stress and boredom. Sucks aye. But i for one, know that my boredom would not end just like that. In a matter of months, insyaallah, i will be flying off to their City and checking out the hotspots. Maybe will be considering to work there in the long run. But, lets just stick to the basics here aye.

7 more weeks of training to go; before i finally graduate from this freaking school. 7 more weeks of ignorance and blurredness before i enter the working world. And 7 more weeks of getting my applications and documents prepared; to send out to the different organisations. And i cant wait for this 7 more weeks to end.

Anyways. I might be shutting down my blog real soon. After all, who reads my crap anyway? HAHA. More like, i cant be bothered to blog in everyday and upload pictures and stuffs. So why even bother right? Its more like Lonely City here. HAHA.

So yeah. Ending it off here; with a "I MISS YOU, Aznin Natasya!".

fil and mursh

2006-12-27T00:38:00.000+08:00

Im going crazy. Too stressed out with home environment. Too many things that needs to be done. Plus i am broke. It sucks lah. I spent 50 bucks today in just 3hrs plus. Well almost lah i think.

My consumption today are as stated:-

1) Regular Chai Latte @ CB --> $5.40 (I had to drink this while waiting for them ladies to arrive. I was super cold.)
2) LJS Combo 3 + Clam Chowder Soup + LJS Combo 1 for Mursh + cheese --> $14.40
3) Caramel Frapp @ SB --> $7 ish
4) Hp cover --> $6
5) Hp LCD Plastic --> $8
6) Taxi fare back --> $6.60

Okay, that makes it $47.40. Gosh. For a short timing i spent alot man. And that was just a short coffee/dinner date with the girls. ARGH. My food consumption needs to be cut down. I am increasing and i am expanding. It sucks lah. I need help.

A date with the girls today. Namely, Mursh and Filza. My two besties from primary school. Gosh. We've sure gone a long way. 11 years and counting. HAHA. We headed to Tamp before finally settling down at Simei's Starbucks. Had a fun tym bitching and gossiping and whatever nots. HAHA. Fil had to go off early cause of her supper date with Aliff. She and her nasi ayam penyek. Weird lil girl there.

And yesh. I finally got a new phone. Nokia's N73 Music Edition with 2GB memory card. It was super expensive seyy. $598 to be exact. But mummy dearest didnt mind one bit. Gosh. It SUCKS lah that i had to ketuk my mum like dat. But lets just put it this way; the phone was a payment for me working for her this holidays. HAHA. I love my mum to pieces! Thanks mummy!

Yupps. Its been raining. The rain has not let up one bit. It sucks lah. Soo many things i wanna do, soo many places i wanna go but all has to be postphoned and delayed cause of this rainy seson. I wanna go to do the zoo, the night safari, excape themepark, the beach and sentosa... Stupid weather. A wet season to have fun cuddling with your loved ones but i aint got anyone to cuddle to. *sobs*

Well well. Thats all for now. I hate that girl who tries too hard to be someone else with that fake english nigga accent of yours. Fuck off. I hate your stupid hair. *grrr*

crazy.

2006-12-22T23:38:00.000+08:00

I am very close to insanity. And i mean VERY close. I'm into my 2nd week of holidays and life has just been totally boring and fatigue. I can DIE from annoying family members, mainly, my dad!

Bad enough i have to help my mum with the cleaning up of the house and other wedding preparations but my dad has to play the role of a supervisor and boss me around. Like asthough i dont get enough irritance from him. He is already annoying siakk!

Everyday i would wake up to his irritating voice asking me to do a million and one things. Chores that arent mind are being pushed onto me, and while i am vacuuming or whatever not, he would come and see what i am doing and being the typical busybody and annoying him, he would say i missed a spot lah what lah. Fuck.

And to make matters worse, while i am slugging it out and being made a prison maid, he's at home doing nothing. He sleeps, watches tv, reads the newspapers like asthough he's sitting for an exam and goes in and out of the toilet numerous times; probably empting his belly after pigging out. He's annoying! The wedding is nearing and he has not lifted a finger to help. Fuck it. The easiest task of cooking rice and boiling water; he pushes it to me. And when he has to do it cause everyone is busy, he'll complain and what not.

Fuck. I've had enough of him bossing me around and being the plain fucking lazy jerk he is! He is so annoying! Sometimes i feel like pushing him and strangling him to death. Fuck. I just want him to shut up! Fuck. ARGH.

I know its wrong and sinful to have evil thoughts. But i live in a home where annoyance and irritance is present all the time! Its either his actions are bloody annoying or the way he bosses people around can make you go fucked up.

I cried today. I had just woken up and he had bossed me around with chores. Chores that were given to him by my mother and he doesnt wanna do it. I feel like kicking him and punching him in the face. I cried cause i was too stressed out and my body hurt. I am physically drained out from doing strenuous chores and mentally and emotionally unstable from all my bottled up feelings. Its just aint fucking fair for me to do men manual labour! FUCK.

I wake up at 8 or 9 in the morning to the voice of him shouting and my day begins with everyday routine chores and cleaning up the house in all aspects. Then there's the packing of the berkats (which is a total drag because the items are big and bulky), followed by more wedding preparations and whatever not. My day end in the evening and i sleep everyday at 3 plus due to some other cleaning chores. Life's a drag!

In less than 3weeks is the wedding and i am only half done with the preparations. There is still the cleaning up of my room (which is so not totally what i am supposed to do cause its my sister's side of the room that is a pig sty!) and not forgetting, the room moving/transferring.

I have a very kind family. My sister spends her time in lala land and she is barely at home. My brother just got back from camp with a fractured ankle and i have to help him. My dad is a lazy ass who doesnt bother to do anything. And my mother, my only place of solace, has to go out and work. It SUCKS.

Every inch of my body hurts. My right arm feels like it might fall off any time. My back; it aches lah! I'm suffering in silent and no one knows. There aint a need to be telling people. But i need to get this off my chest. I am hurting! Fuck it.

My apologies for the harsh verbal language. I am sorry, dad. You wont know it, but i am sorry. I just coudnt help it. May heaven be by my side and give me courage to endure this. Gosh. Ameen.

boo.

2006-12-07T14:53:00.000+08:00

I think i have social issues. Either that, or i am just losing that little spark in life. At times i have this certain desire to live life to the fullest and party hard, but on the other hand, i do tend to feel more homely and lazy and just succumbing to the slackiest things in life. Its hard to understand this certain phase im going through. A mere confusion of wants and needs. But its taking a toll on me, and well, to put things in lamen terms. I cant be bothered with few things in life and there is no satisfaction. Try to understand if you may; but even i dont know whats going on. The mind swirls. The mind is bored. The mind is confused. Im not even sure if i understand what im typing about. *blah*

Well at least no more headaches for me now. The exams are over. Finally! All that mugging and burning the mid night oil sure helps. Except for the acute glomerular nephritis question which everyone so totally could not answer. *blah* A month of pure fun and slacking around and not having to think of any nursing shits. Yesterday was the grouping and i simply LOVE my group. All the great kiddos. 3 postings and counting. Sure gonna be a helluva fun. But yeah we still have that teacher with us. Kekal jugak si selenger tu. HAHA.

So it has been quite a while since i last blogged in. A numerous happy occassions here and there. For instance, brother dearest is finally serving his national service! Kinda happy that he aint around to totally control me, but half heartedly sad to "let him go". 6 more days to his 1st ever booking out. Missing him already larhs!

My belated birthday celebrations was spectacular. The girls really did a great job in putting a huge smile on ma face. A lunch treat, a trip to the movies and the birthday cut-a-cake rituals. We were gate crashed by those skater boys. But i had fun. Thanks babes.

And yeah my mummy bought me U zap. Huahua... Kinda cool urh but im not sure if it helps in actually trying to slim me down. HAHA. My maternal aunts and uncles bought me several cakes. Julie offered a VIP pass to California Fitness as a birthday pressie; but there are some terms and conditions. For instance, my VIP pass is only valid for like what, a year then i have to be a member or something. So yeah. SUCKS.

I got a job at Toys R Us Vivo, but reluctantly have to pass the offer and leaving Elfiza to work there herself. HAHA. The peeps there are nice and all but mummy dearest insist on having me unemployed and working for her in helping with the wedding preparations. SUCKS lah.

Invites to Devils with the girls last Weds. Plan was abit cock up due to insufficient and unplanned schedules for the day. Ended up meeting boyfie at CT Hall after getting done with the passport thing and we headed to Vivo. Watched Cinderella; the movie. The title is so totally cliche. Its actually a scary korean movie; and so not the "cinderella" fairytale. Infact there is nothing connecting the movie and the title. These koreans. *blah*

And today was the wedding reception of Aishah and Bani. Everything was spectacular. Bani's fellow army cadets claded in their uniforms, together with their swords marched in. Then there was a little video presentation, a malay dance and the bhangra kuddos. Followed by Aishah singing and Bani strumming on the guitars. And best of all, there was a video of Bani proposing to Aishah during his marching of parade. He knelt down and proposed in public. That is so sweet. It moved me to tears. Gosh. Aishah finally had her fairytale ending. A beautiful princess she turned out to be; married to a gorgeous hunk with a high rank in the army force + a man with plenty of money. How come the bad ones always get the good guys huh?.. Damn. I wanna marry a high ranked uniform men too! HAHA.

Here's my fair share of the story; While everyone was busy eating, i was busy oogling at my dad's friend's son. He's indian-ish but he is so good looking. He has a degree in engineering. He actually speaks Hong Kong-ish cause he actually stays there and helps his dad run the business. And best of all, his dad is my dad's best friend and they're finding a matchmake for him. Gosh. Can it be me? Hehe. And thank god for being nice to me tonight, our families ended up heading to my uncles's cafe nearby and chatting it up till one in the morning.

Im totally fatigue. My legs hurt due to wearing heels. But my day ended great. I got to meet a whole lot of nice and gorgeous people, and well, it all ended well. An early night for now. Here's something to look at. Love them peeps. Mwahs.

`* Me and mia taking a break after mugging hard.

`* HEART them peeps. A collage of us.

`* Fiddling with the candles of my cake.

`* My bday cake is all litted up and ready to rumble. Chocolate!

`* Eat your hearts out. We've got delicious cake. Oh yummy...

`* A birthday song for me. Aww... So sweeetttt.

`* A group photo of the bear and its bear-rettes!

`* Invasion of the skater boys. And a lovely pic for rememberance.

in school.

2006-11-29T12:17:00.000+08:00

Am in school with Afrah. We're bloghopping and practically slacking around while waiting to class to start. Liz is sitted next to us. And Hyatt and Tracy is somewhere infront gossiping and having their dose of bitching. HAHA. Afrah and Tracy lost their EZ Links. HAHA. *blueks*

A 2 1/2 hour break sucks. Might as well they bring forward the stupid combine lecture and release us early. Already all of us aint in the mood for school and we have to feed our brains with notes and endless tutorials. Preparations for the upcoming exams. And i have yet to start on my BHS yet. *sigh*

Today is Weds. Another day to Thursday and then my birthday. I am so not looking forward to it. Infact, i kinda abhor the fact that, that particular day is my birthday. I hate celebrations. The fact that i wont be able to have a great day ahead is bugging me. No one seems to care. No one seems to hint stuffs. And when i told them peeps to take off days, i think practically no one has or have actually taken off days. It sucks big time. I miss them peeps, but they dont give a shit.

Grand dad has to undergo some kinda op that day. And the previous year, when i celebrated with them, a mishap happen to him. And this year, another one. Maybe i should just go to the mosque and pray and bertaubat instead of leading the playful life i am leading now. It just sucks.

Our rship is on the rocks. And it has been more than a week now. I am missing him so much but somehow i just cant seem to bring myself to face the truth. It hurts and it sucks.

*I wonder what he is doing right now?*

I bought the tix to the ZoukOut but now i dont feel like going. Tracy invited to go to MOS that particular nyte with Juliet and Hyatt. Free entry. Who doesnt want right? But i am so over clubbing. I hate clubbing. I hate the scenes. I hate meeting people. I hate happiness. I hate everything.

It finally came. A huge burden off my chest. But now im haunted with thoughts of whether there are stains or not. I should have just gotten the bloody tampons.

Everyone is planning their holiday escapades. The Danity Beauties are off to KL with our teacher. Liz and Tracy are probably off to Bangkok. And me; rot in Singapore and prepare my death wish? I so wanted to go to Bangkok but i dont have sufficient funds. Mummy dearest cant sponsor me no more due to having to spend a huge amount for my sister's wedding. And the Australian trip; i can still go BUT no shopping funds for me. That sucks. I hate the fact that my holidays is before my sister's wedding, and i hate the fact that she is using so much of my mum's money. It just doesnt seem fair.

I dont have a job. I am in a total wrecked rship. I suck at my studies. I cant go for holidays. Everything aint going right for me. That sucks. I just wanna lie down in bed and wait. Wait for the time to pass by slowly and endlessly. There's definitely a great story to that.

2 more days.
Fuck the days.

I am off now. We're starting lecture soon. Bye.

A list of December babies:-

1st Dec -- Me & Nana & Qabir
2nd Dec -- Afrah
3rd Dec -- Safudin
5th Dec -- Haifa
8th Dec -- Kak Maria
10th Dec -- Taufik B
15th Dec -- Dee dearest!
18th Dec -- Nysa
31st Dec -- COUNTDOWN!!!

Fuck love.
*mwahs*

esplanade outing.

2006-11-26T14:02:00.000+08:00

Today i did the most stupidest and silliest thing. I woke up with patches of blood all over my pillow and i had no idea where that came from. I went to the toilet to check on myself and after peeing, i actually forgot to flush! And all because i was too engrossed in figuring out where the blood had come from.

My dad was shouting and asking me to go buy the newspapers and i left home without showering and totally braless! Just a wash of the face without brushing my teeth and i pigged on Mars chocs while walking to the nearest store. Two stupid acts in one morning. Boy, talk about the morning blues. I got back, still pigging on my Mars and when i went to the toilet to shower, i screamed at the sight of an unflushed toilet bowl. Later did i then realise that it was actually MY own doing. HAHA. And the blood on my pillow actually came from my injured hand. HAHA.

Bodoh siakk~ Now im laughing at my own stupidity and thought i'd shared it with you people. HAHA.

So yeah. Yesterday was my girls day out with mummy dearest and my sister. We went to watch Puteri Gunung Ledang The Musical at the Esplanade. We went for the 1430hrs show and we sat at the VIP box; the view was amazing. We could see everything. And i mean EVERYTHING! The show was simply spectacular. Worth my $97 and definitely worth the long butt pain. The props used were simply wow. And the musical was double the wow! And the acting cast; triple wowness! The way the cast acted our their roles was so surreal and it was as if you could experience and relate to it. Aaahhh... I just cant seem to find the appropriate words to use to describe the spectacular-ness of the show. But it was great. Simply great. PGL The Musical simply rocks! I so hated to leave the theatre. I so want an encore!

But i HATE seeing that bitch's face! Why must you haunt me everywhere i go, Nureen? Bad enough i see you in school! Argh!

Truth has it that the real legend, Hang Tuah did not die. He simply ran away from the palace and hid himself away due to being disappointed with his love life. And they say he may be alive for he aint a normal being. Like wth. And truth has it that the Puteri Gunung Ledang had actually turned into a nenek kebayan and is still residing at Gunung ledang itself. Apparently some guy with some magic had seen her on the mountains few years back. Scary~ But i believe; since my own great great grand uncle had some powers. You so dont wanna hear the rest of the story. Yeahh...

We had dinner at Esplanade and walked around before heading to Marina Square. And of all the people i had to meet, was Harith and his gf with some short girl. And can you believe it? My mum actually said Harith was good looking and the girl was too old. My mum is so blind. Harith; good looking? Yuck! He and his ever ugly looking PUMA sweater. But the girl did seem a little off cause she was tugging and holding on to the guy like asthough he was some prized possession. Even my sis and my mum agrees that she's being a little too insecure. THERE u go! Aint i alwasy right? HAHA.

My mum actually labelled me as being High Maintenance. And she was nagging at me yesterday. Blah3... I agree that i am fussy in my food and in my clothing; but to be labelled high maintenance? I so dont think so. And to make matters worse, even my bf and my own siblings agree with my mum. I mean, so what if i like eating in nice and expensive restaurants wtih good food at high prices? And so what if my clothes costs $50 an item? Its just being called, "good at making choices" and wanting "the best". Even my dad buys Lacoste and Crocodile shirts that is like what, $102.98 for just one shirt. Durrrhhh~ Its in the genes!

Im gonna make a resolution. To try and change my eating habits for at least a month. Its freaking hard work, but im gonna give it a try. Determination. Bring it on.

And i am so NOT looking forward to 1st Dec. For i know it will be full of disappointments. But im hoping to meet a couple of people. Cause i miss them so much. Tasya, Alep, Amy, Naz, Alvin, Jing, Ellyas. The list goes on. Oh well. Whatever lah.

My mum bought me chocs today. And to think that she was asking me to kuruskan badan! There goes my resolution. I'm off now. I hate my assignments. Fuck love. Mwahs~

5 more days.

mc.

2006-11-21T00:39:00.000+08:00

SIAKK.

I was bloggin half way and i totally lost my post. And i typed alot sia. Argh. Fucking hell. Lets make this short and sweet. It tested negative! *phew* I had my hi lites done last Friday. Must be my 6th hi lites in my life & it took a whopping 4hrs! Today i danced in the rain; causing me with a slite fever and a freaking flu. My bday is in 10 more days. And i have put on so much weight! And i aint gonna go sch tmro. BOSAN. Gonna fake sick and get a freaking MC and sleep in like a pig. I am sick actually. Plus go for some interviews. HAHA. Will be back to school on Weds. Lunch date with Shai. Okay lah. Selamat malam.

Loving him.
Loving the sex.
Loving GREEN.

2006-11-18T11:08:00.000+08:00

project.

2006-11-17T00:13:00.000+08:00

Im stoned. Really really really stoned. Ive been sitted at my pc for the past 3hrs doing up my business proposal + working on the powerpoint presentation. The business plan that me and the groupies layed out; Wedding Planning Services. How hard can it get. I was wrong. Nevertheless aint gonna give up. Hope our business plan works well.

Ive not been getting enough sleep. Since Thursday last week, its been endless late nights and early mornings. And to top it all, my weekend nytes were spent wit my boyfie roaming ard and then it was back to more slacking at home. A short nap and my project marathon begins. Ahh yesh! We both wore green for both days. Im so loving it. Loving him. Loving GREEN.

So yeah. Its been ages since i last bloggged in. Been pretty busy with assignments and heaps of school stuffs. Slowly everything's depleting. Just one final major project to concentrate on. Need the freaking marks to boost my overall grades. I failed the bloody test. But well, at least i aced my psychiatric.

I cant wait for school to end. Or more like i cant wait for the attachments. Getting sick and tired of seeing those bloody asses damn face and their stupid childish attitudes. Someone actually raced me to the door! Like wth right. Ignore them lah; perangai mcm budak2 siak. Dah lah satu kuda anorexic. Lagi satu jerangkung hangus. And blah3... Dah lah malas.

I dont know if its a crime to actually still be friends with yr exes. An ex of mine, from dunoe which donkey yrs, knows im attached and yet he still bothers me. I mean, he KNOWS i am attached but pretend like its nothing. And when i dont entertain him just bcos i wanna entertain my bf, he actually gets jealous. Like wth right. Maybe on my part i know im an ass for using him as a form of transportation. But come on lah, i did state my status and drew the line. He's sucha cuckoo. And today he actually got pissed at me jus bcos i didnt wait for him to fetch me. Stupid right. Guys; you can never udtsd them.

This term sch has been really slack for all of us. And i mean REALLY slack. We attend classes late, opt for early release for break, self extend our breaks, smoke lyk nobody's business, pester the tchers to let us go home early and all we do is play and joke ard. And surprisingly, we get things our way most of the time. We've been going back early everyday. There's no such thing as ending lessons in the evening for us anymore. Coolness.

Counting down to my birthday. Approximately 15 more days. My bestie and several peeps have been asking what i want. And all i could reply was a "I dont know". Somehow there's just nothing in mind that i wish to own or have a desire to have. But how im wishing my boyfie would surprise me with a romantic dinner on the cable car, well equipped with flowers, cake and a candlelit dinner. Sigh. It only happens in dreams. A wishful thinking on my part.

Anyone intending to get me anything (tak tau malu nye!), my favourite colour is green. No diaries, photo frames or small knick knacks. HAHA. Siakk nye aku! HAHA. I want Sarah Jessica Parker's perfume! Someone get it for me please... Hehehe.

Ahh yesh. I wanna celebrate my birthday this yr with all my besties! So dont disappoint me, dears! U know who u are. Kwang3...

December babies.
Awaiting the big surprise.
(padahal aku dah tau. haha.)

GREENERICS.
<3>

depressed.

2006-10-19T22:17:00.000+08:00

Im feeling uber depressed. And whatever descriptive words that can be used to describe my sheer feeling of loneliness and hopelessness. I dont know why. The world is crashing down on me. I have no one to seek solace. All i wanna do is break down and cry. Cry till my tears can flow no more and my eyes get all swelled up. And all i wana do is to lock myself up in my room and continue to cry and cry and cry. The emptiness in me is enlarging as the days pass by. And i have yet to get an answer to why and what is going on. A thousand things run in my mind. My brain gets fused. My eyes are all swelled up. And my heart; constantly aching. Though i shine a thousand smiles, my heart bleeds and yearns for happiness. A feeling no one can give. A feeling i cant earn for myself. But a feeling i am begging for. And no one around me have yet to give me that feeling. Is it too much to ask? I have been shutting myself away from everyone. Away from the world. My life's in a mess and i am just waiting for someone to help me pick up the bits and pieces and help sort them out for me. I cant and i cant and i cant. I dont wanna talk about it no more. I just wanna cry. Somebody just take the knife and kill me please.

`I'm social phobic.
`Felinophobic.
`Depressed.
`Depression.
`Depressssssss...

AND I HATE GEYLANG!!
FUCK THE FESTIVE SEASON.

I'm missing someone.
And he doesnt know.
Fuck life.

green

2006-10-14T01:01:00.000+08:00

This evening, my patience was tested. I was driven crazy and was bloody annoyed; and it was all over a heated but lame arguement my boyfriend and me had. I asked a relatively simple question; "When we first started going out, what about me did you like most? Was it liking me for me or my body?". And all he could reply back was, "I dont know". I have never bothered asking my exes this question. But after the BGR talk we had today (yes,its lame how we nurses have to go through BGR and sexuality talks), that question just popped into my mind. Its obvious that the numbers of unwanted pregnancy is still arising and abortions; well, cant say much about that. Nevertheless, today i watched a video of the entire abortion process. The apparatus they used, the process the medical people handled the abortion; it is simply gross, terrifying, heart-breaking and nerve wrecking. They actually suck out the unborn, by skin and by the tiny little bones till only the head is left. And then they use the forcep to grab hold the baby's head and crush in into smaller pieces. FUCKING HELL. I hated the entire video of cruel-ism but it did create an awareness in me. It is stated that medical officers and nurses in charged of the abortion process are not entirely truthful about the entire process. Many young women are being kept in the dark about certain things (which i cant reveal due to confidentiality in the medical field), and suffer from various emotional breakdowns only after the completion of the abortion. I cried. The video was terrible. And i am still having reflective thoughts disturbance. Okay, the closing conclusion of my boyfriend and me: we aint on talking terms right now. Well, its more to me not wanting to entertain him cause he's just being totally jerkish. I so totally have zero patience and tolerance in discussing serious topics.

So anyways, last week was the holidays and not even a single day i kept my ass at home. Feeling rather guilty since it was mummy's long annual leave and i left her at home to rot with my boring dad. My holiday mornings were spent doing self therapy with my boyfriend and then to the shops for some retail therapy. Following suit, our food therapy. That holiday week, i practically did not fast at all. The days going out with my boyfriend were spent doing crazy stuffs. And we were actually checking out the various known bazaars all over Singapore. We went food hunting and were practically pigging out. From Geylang, to Jurong West, to Clementi, and to the bazaar at Bugis, we tasted the food, bought takeaways and more takeaways. And then heading to the big beds at the lorongs. HAHA. We even pigged out at Fish&Co and chilled at Coffee Bean like nobodys business. And i thought the bazaars were a big hoohaa but it turns out, its nothing, really. The sheesha places and arabian pubs were the ones with the crowds.

And Baby was being totally generous with me. We went shopping and he paid for my expenses. I bought heaps of stuffs. And i mean HEAPS of them! From shoes, to tops, to dresses, to bags and accessories and many others, he didnt mind one bit and was just paying off the items like asthough he was some rich tycoon from heaven. My entire shopping spree being totally paid for! I could simply live leading this kind of life. Sheer and blissful happiness. Took loads of pixies but have yet to upload them yet due to misplaced cable. Total expenditure for the entire week adds up to $321.30. And that was exclusive of our cab fares, the numerous topping up of my phones (yes,people. i am back to using prepaid.), our food fest and many more. I, Amal Nuratiqah, was being pampered! And i was simply loving it. I love you, baby. Thanks ever so much! Gosh. Aint i so contradicting myself? And to think that i was bbbitching about him earlier on. HAHA. Whatever~

Headed to Coccolatte some time last week to chill with the girls and catch up, plus Julie said that they were hiring people for the position of part time servers. And guess who i bumped into that night! Suraya! Or rather Shyanne! Of all the people in the world. Bad enough i have to see her poster face on the SMILES murals at the train station almost everyday, and to actually bump into her in person! Urgh. Was trying so hard to hide away from her, in fear of her recognising an ex lysian. But Julie was practically dragging and pulling me inside and that caught the attention of a few others. Couldnt hide no more.

Ahh yesh. Few in campus gossips. Harith and Din is in SSG! I was in that class but later change to Psychiatric module instead. Guess not my luck to just hang around with him. Oh wells. And the biggest gossip... Habibah and Faiz are together! Gross. So gross. I cant believe a guy like him would actually fall for a girl like her. Habibah; rather known as the kental girl with average looks, who has been chasing him for the past year, even when he was attached, and practically throwing herself at him. Yuck! Gross gross gross. Super gross. Downright disgusting. Congratulations habibah! For having successfully break apart his relationship. Other than that, nothing much. The guys in my class have gotten their license and its only down to Isk to get a bike. Everyone's happily attached. We're in the last phase of our nursing journey. And Hari Raya is only 10days away. Wheee...

I have a confession to make.
I am actually eating ice cream at exactly 1am.
And i LOVE green!

GREENERICS.

annoyed.

2006-09-29T23:28:00.000+08:00

Fuck. I'm hating my sister. Bloody toot. Stupid bitch. Freak.

There. Its night time, i'm not fasting. So wth. I got into a huge fist fight with her last Monday. It all started with her fucking and crappy attitude. She got that stupid irritating attitude from my dad. And thank god i do not have it. Bitch. To make it short, she beat and slapped my face and scolded vulgarities at me and i hurled back even harsher abuse and well, lets just say, she has no self defense and i can fight better. HAHA. Bitch. A sense of triumph overcame me when i hit her head and beat her up. No, i am not being a kaki pukul. But she started it first. So there. For months i've been enduring her stinky arse attitude. Fuck you, bitch. Argh.

Today's the last day of our attachment but it ended very bad. A fight with the HMI student. Just one particular bitch. Bloody asshole. mas and me ended up crying cause we were so stressed out and well, there were alot of bitching going on. I just had to break down and let out my tears. Stupid bitch. Aku harap2 nahas kau. Tu muke kalau tak pecah, ARGH! Sialanz.

Well enough abt the bitches story, lets concentrate on me and my boyfie. Well, Sunday was our first day of the fasting month but both of us didnt fast. HAHA. As usual lah. We shopped and well, he gave me a $100 to shop online. Greatness. And i've actually spent it all. Just waiting for the items to come via registered mail. HAHA. The following Monday we went out again and he bought me a FCUK perfume and a slip ons. I've tons of slip ons and branded slippers. And i dont know why the hell i asked him to buy. Maybe because it was green, and it was my favourite? HAHA. And yeah, i wanted the cheap White Musk perfume at Body Shop but he insisted on getting me the very ex FCUK perfume. LOVE the smell, but felt kinda bad cause the thing was very ex. HAHA. Wth.

So anyways, everyone around me is just simply annoying me and most of them have been bloody successful. Fucking assholes. And i mean EVERYONE. Sometimes i just wanna blow up and explode and stand infront of a moving truck. Freak. Suicidal thoughts. ARGH. I'm going to sleep. I'm just bloody annoyed now. Laters, bitches.

`nurbOnch08. o u t s

food fiesta

2006-09-23T22:36:00.000+08:00

I had a feast blast today. We didnt get to eat at Royal Scotts On Plaza's High Tea. The queue was terrible. It was all the way out to the taxi stand and well, there were alot of malays. Probably wanting to pig out before the fasting month begins tmro. HAHA.

We settled for Fish & Co, and that was even better! Seafood platter for two, which my sister and me shared, with me getting a bigger portion. Talk abt pigging it out. HAHA. It was great. And the seafood chowder was simply delicious. *drools*

Well, was supposed to go out wit Bb today but his relatives came over in the evening. Made a standby plan with Zuri to catch a movie and chill at town but was too exhausted and followed parents back. So yeah, nothing much happened except for the delicious food fiesta.

Ahh yesh, today i walked past Coffee Bean Bugis. The outlet wasnt busy and well, there were very little people working. Wanted to drop by to say Hi but couldnt be bothered. Sigh. CBTL Bugis Junction's last operating day is on 8th October. Really sad that its gonna close down and once again, our family would split. It sucks. Im missing them CB peeps badly. Sigh.

Tmro's the final showdown of the Singapore Idol. Everyone's getting all psyched up but somehow i'm just not interested. It was only until i read the TODAY paper earlier that i realise tmro's the night. So wth. Its just another fad. =)

Bb's gonna be warded this Weds and Monday's the last and the only day that we can go out. I so cant wait. Im missing him terribly. Bagus ehh dier tak payah puase nanti. HAHA. 5 more days til the end of attchment. Friday please faster faster come. Whee...

`nurbOnch
* * r a z e e * *

ddaaahhhh

2006-09-20T20:47:00.000+08:00

Someone said this to me today; "Mal, u dont smoke? Since when did u ever abide by your sch rules?". She laughed, and i just kept mum; not knowing how to answer her.

She's my old neighbour. And a good friend of mine for 10years. Back then, i was the notorious one, always getting myself into mischief and she was the studious girl next door. I guess times have changed. I noticed for the past 5months plus, i've been rather tame and well, more mature in my actions. Although at times, i can be quite a bitch and a spoiled brat. Who isnt, right?

Well, it isnt true that i've stopped smoking. I went smoke-less for 3months plus and only started the habit last Friday, wen i went to chill withEllyas. I guess u can say i'm much more of a social smoker. HAHA. And i cant help but to agree with Mira, i have changed. For the better. =)

So anyways, in less than a week, i've already bought myself 13 clothing items! Believe it or not. I'm quite shock myself. But im contented. Cause i LOVE the tops i bought. Fantastico! HAHA.
As i recall;

1) Plain Grey Nautical tank
2) Blue/White Striped cardigan
3) White 3/4 cardigan
4) Yellow Ribbon DP top
5) Black Long Sleeved cardigan
6) Brown Ethnic blouse
7) Brown Bohemian blouse
8) Blue tube dress
9) Abercrombie Henley green
10) Abercrombie Henley yellow
11) American Eagle tee
12) Yellow Hearts 3/4 top
13) Green Printed tee

There goes my list. I guess i must have spent a fortune. And that was just the clothing items. It didnt include the undergarments i bought, my numerous tongue studs and ear rings and accessories. I'm sucha impulsive shopper. 3 cardigans in a week! Sheesh. I was actually quite surprised at the list of items i bought. Another headache for me. Time to clear my wardrobe. Out with the old, and in with the new. That is, if i could find space. HAHA.

So yeahh. Today, my day at the ward was a little tiring. But me, mia and faezah spent our last 45mins by the bedside of our fav patient and just gossiping among ourselves. Perangai kann. HAHA. The Ngee Ann poly students totally ANNOY me! They will only lift their fingers and ass up in the morning to do shower bath with their teachers and then they barely do anything after that. Esp this stupid girl. She calls herself a butch. No offense to her, but its like, she dresses like a lost earthling in the 70's era and instd of bein totally boyish, she's totally girlish. She's crap, in short. I diss her. She doesnt even do a single shyt. Lame piece of shyt. Rraahh! Stoopid.

And today, my eyes were infested with too many sins. Yoges and I went to Toa Payoh to meet a seller and upon heading back, we had a hard time deciding the train or the bus. I decided the train, and boy, i wish i had taken the bus! It was insane. We took the wrong train at Raffles Place. Ended up going to Outram instd of the other way. HAHA.

Then in the train, there were a few couples smooching and making out in public, amongst all of the busy and cramped commuters. Like wth right. It was disgusting and sucha ugly sight. It was as if, if they could fuck in the train, i bet they would wanna do that. Sheesh. And i was wondering whthr it was Valentines Day or sumtin. HAHA. Yogie and me cracked lame jokes and made fun of the couples and had a blast laughing out loud. It was fun, teasing people in the dark. HAHA.

So yes. The fasting month is coming and i already cant wait for the holidays! So cant wait to get out of this ward. Argh. Well nothing much now. Will update soon. Ddaaahhh~

`nurbOnch <3

bbaacckk.

2006-09-16T00:34:00.000+08:00

I changed my skin. Wanted sumtin green but cudnt find a nice one. Anw, tis is only temporary until Natasya gets her exams over and done with and i'll get a new personalized skin. HAHA.

My last day at SGH ends today. Hoorraayy! Was happy dat we gurls were finally out of WARD 63C. But felt kinda sad dat i had to leave my nurseys at my room and includin my Subutex patients. Gonna miss them loads. Anws, i'd plan to slack at work today but der was loads of work to do and boy, i did NOT even get to sit down. Had to skip my break and only settled for half a bottle of green tea to keep myself from gettin hypo. From da hrly paras, to da hrly CLCs and several NGT feeding and diaper changing, it was horrendous! Esp wen i hatta do it myself! FREAK.

Anws i went back wit Neesa today and discovered a new shorter way to go to SGH, but however, its sucha waste, cause i wont be heading der ANYMORE! Now its time to move on to TTSH for our Geron module. We'll be combining forces wit Pretty Hayati's group. Expecting it to be fun. Coolness. HAHA.

Fasting mth is coming up, in a matter of 9days starting from now. And i have to travel sucha long distance. Damn sure to be dead tired. I so cant wait for the hols. In just a matter of two weeks. Please let it go by faster. I need the long break man.

Ok. First things first. My rship is takin its toll. Aint healthy tis past week and i'm barely surviving. Shed loads of tears. Numerous heartaches. But da pain aint going away nor is it fading. But at least i'm strong enough to pretend nothing is wrong. I guess. Well whatever. Lets skip dat.

Second on my list, its the "HATE MY STUPID NEW LECTURER WHO"S A DUMB SHIT AND HAS NO IDEA ON HOW TO TEACH US" topic. I guess i have this so called flare, whereby i am able to see and judge a person's character thru first meetings and like durh, first impressions lasts longer and its usually not a gd one. I've a new teacher who jus joined ITE as a lecturer last Monday. Her face is like totally, expressionless and her freakin ears, like gremlins. Call me a meanie but she's SUCHA PAIN IN THE ASS and I HATE HER ALOT!! She pretends to be MISS KNOW IT ALL. But wth. She was from da Neonatal department and her ward skills is so fuckin rusty! Mdm Jenny Yeo told us to give her a chance, but after today, i dont think she even deserve one. She's just PLAIN IRRITATING!! If i were to tell tales on wat happened to me and da gurls in da ward, my blog wud need more den a single post. In general, cikgu aku bodoh. And she's FUCKING RACIST!!

I miss Mdm Rahimah. I miss her so much! Why da hell dey hatta take her away from us, just wen we were abt to getta noe her better and wen all of us felt lyk family. No one can replace Mdm Rahimah and dats jus da plain truth. No more chance for dat idiot. She's gonna be crushed by me. Gonna make sure her stay in ITE is hell. Kapoosshh! HAHA.

I'm missing my best friend. Not just today, but almost everyday. We had a stupid arguement, but we're cool now. Our busy schedules disable us to meet up and when i need her badly, she's never ard. It sucks. I wonder for how long we'll both be Miss Busy. Big sigh.

So earlier on today, i met up with Ellyas. He made me shower and get ready in like wat, 10mins? Super duper record siakk dok. HAHA. We chilled, smoked and cracked lame jokes and did a whole load of catching up. Didnt realise dat its has been almost a yr since i last met up wit him and went out. Okay, so Ellyas has already gotten his car license. And i mean Ellyas Rezzal. The big goofer. HAHA. My big bro. Since i came over his place, he offered to send me back in his car! Oowweee... HAHA. Nissan Latio Sports in red. The car looks small but the interior side is big and roomy. I LIKE!! Very comfortable sia. And part of the time, i cudnt believe dat it was him who was driving me. He drives well. THUMBS UP TO U, BRO!! I know i sounded jakon, but the car was superb! SERIOUSLY!! Go take a ride in THAT car, people! I mean, at a car show room or something. HAHA.

I'm in for a new look. But i shant spill the beans now. Watch out for me sometime in a mths time i guess. HAHA. Im missing the ward already. Too bad i didnt getta say goodbye to him, but stil, i got his number! HAHA.

Okay okay. Alert people! The hols roughly around 15-31st Dec. Before heading for CP2.2 posting. Anyone wanna go Bangkok? Self paid trip okay. I'm trying to gather people. Guys, girls. Whoever. I wanna go Bangkok. Oowweee...

Currently addicted to yahoo auctions. Bought a couple of things already. Totally contagious and addicted. Sigh. My diabetes of chocos and green tea. Free supple anyone? HAHA. 3more months. Count down people.

Peace.
One love.
`nurbOnch.

9th month

2006-09-06T00:34:00.000+08:00

It hurts. My tummy hurts. I dont know why but it hurts. I feel nausea-nated and abit drowsy. All because of an unknown smell that came from that particular pasar malam stall. Nevertheless, i am feelin totally delighted today. And all because... Its our anniversary.

Happy 9th anniversary, sayang!
My dear Muhammad Raziman!
I Love You, Babyy.

Thats it. Im gonna make it easy and simple. Im promising myself to not cheat on him and im so gonna treasure him from now on. Im loving you, baby. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Its true. And having sexual contact DEFINITELY makes our bond stronger and our relationship healthier. I totally second my opinion. HAHA. Nytes. =)

im loving it.

2006-09-01T17:56:00.000+08:00

I'm loving it. Loving every moment of my single freedom-hood. Cant hide the fact that i am stil attached to him and it has been 9 months but its the freedom of the relationship that i'm loving. I know its wrong to totally leave him in the lurch of my whereabouts. But i find it more exciting. Plus i need the time and space away from him. It has been hard for both of us lately; so i guess its best we both chill. I am so loving it. The feeling of not having to report strength to him all the time and the sense of not having to feel guilty; i couldnt ask for more.

Yesterday was a half day for all of us. It was raining heavily in the morning. It sucked that we girls hatta go to work and nurse patients. We shud have been in bed. Anyways, we worked for a mere 3hrs before it was time for a short debrief and then, dismissal time. HAHA. Our debrief ended with a few tears here and there; with Ms Rahimah leavin us for a 2month course. Sigh.

A race to the toilet and we girls started changing. Despite the rainy weather, Haifa, Fyza, Kyn and me headed to Wild Wild Wet. May sound crazy, but we had a blast. Tryin on several rides numerous times; it was totally wicked. And as usual lah, wats an outing without any eye-washing and boy-watching right. HAHA. The guy at the Samsung Slide Up was super gorgeous. And the life guards were pretty much cute. A few giggles, plenty of screams and a few nasty comments. HAHA. Plus we saved a young boy. It was really overwhelming. Thumbs up to us nurseys! HAHA. We ate, we chilled then we were up for more rides and more screams. I finally realised dat screamings makes things more fun and exciting. I cant imagine how others can actually ride the rides with no expressions. So yeahh, Kyns and me intend to apply for a job there. Coolness.

Came seven and we girls got changed and headed back. The three of us; without Kyn, headed to Whitesands MacD and went back. We were exhausted. And i sprained my neck. Sucks like hell. So yeahh. Will blog in some other time. Need to rest my neck.

I'm loving it.
Yeah~

back.short.

2006-08-14T23:23:00.000+08:00

Been ages since i last blogged in. Miss blogging in actually but sometimes i just cant be bothered. Its like, i look forward each time i've something to blog about but at the end of the day, i'm just too filthy lazy and well, i'll skip that. I guess at times its just best to keep stuffs to yourself and just ponder about whatever shyts you have to go through. I've not been in my best of mood this past few weeks. A few bad moods here and that. Though there were many events to highlight about. Ahaks. A few happy ones today. But sigh. You see, as i start to type, i just lost my mood to continue. I guess i'm losing my flare. Or am i losing it? Ahaks. I guess its best i stop now. Will continue when i have the mood. And i'm wondering when will that be? Oh wells. Starting my night duty this thurs. I so cant wait. Anyhoo, sayonara. Mwahs. ;)

bitch dat nadia

2006-07-30T18:26:00.000+08:00

I'm pissed. And i cried. Upset over wat she said; some things dat dissed my family. And she bitched abt my mum. She's so inhuman to hav done dat. After all tis yrs, my parents helpin her family out financially and evritin. She's down rite cruel and she doesnt even deserve to be regarded as or be named as human. For she's a down rite fuckin bitch/whore wit no morality at all. Its a shame how her parents brought her up well but only to hav such a bastard for a daughter. She shud be treated as dirt; such a low life sickening animal. Im surprised she doesnt hav a sense of shame or even some sort of awareness in her.

My parents gave u ppl money, bought u clothes, took u ppl out for outings, paid da expenses, protected yr pride and dignity wen others looked dwn on u ppl for bein labelled as poor and did so many other things. I bought u clothes, i treated u evritym we went out, i gav u pocket money for work, i helped u settle yr debts and even lied to my parents and borrowed from dem money and gave it to u. I even gav u my boyfriend thrice! Wat more do u want?? Instead, now u're putting my family dwn. Disgusting dirt bag. Its a wonder y so many ppl look dwn on ur family. Its bad enuf u are seen as poor, always borrowing money here and der, but even yr attitude stinks! Its raw. Rotten. Damn u ppl. Its ok, u may hav hurt me. But at da end of da day, its me who stand to gain. For watever rezeki u ppl hav, tak pernah diberkati Allah SAW. And only HE noes best on bein judgemental and all. I hope YOU get yr freakin balasan!

My pride bruised. My heart ached. And my temper's enraged. Took me an hr to calm dwn. I shant comment on anytin else for i've had a sudden lost in mood. I gues da best thing to do rite now is to calm dwn, take things easy and pray. As i believe bad deed wil oways be repaid wit bad deed, i shall calm dwn and hope dey'll get deir balasan. Ya Allah, kuatkan lah semangat dan iman ku semoga aku dapat mengalami rintangan yang telah engkau sediakan. Dan jauhilah keluarga ku daripada apa2 keburukan dan gangguan syaitan. Tolonglah lindungi keluarga ku, terutama kali, ibu kesayangan aku. Semoga rintangan ini akan akhirnya jadi tenang. Ameen.

Der; i've said wat i had to get off my chest. I gues its best i continue calming down b4 i go nuts. Sigh. Signing off...

zuree.baby.tralalala.

2006-07-22T00:03:00.000+08:00

Finally a long wknd off from work. Cant describe my relieve. I so need tis wknd off. A wknd off from stress and a sense of calmness. Da hols wud soon be over and da start of nursing life wud start once again. Im half heartedly contented to welcome da start of a new nursing life; a diff hosp wit diff environment, diff colleagues and a diff tcher. I hate changes. Im so not lookin fwrd to adaptin to a new environment. It sucks. And now dat news of the wateva flu outbreak, im so reluctant to start work. Im dreadin it. Argh. And jus a few mins ago, i came across da news showin da scene at TTSH undergoin their checks on da flu thingy. Boring.

Everytin ard me is undergoin changes. Changes at home; da renovations and da sudden surprised weddings of my cousins. Changes at work; wit da departure of Adeline and da reshuffling of da diff managers at otha outlets. Changes of nursing life; da change of environment and all. And da changes of da surroundin ppl. My parents, my bf, his family, da sudden pop up of Zuri in my life; jus to mention a few. Everytin seems to be takin a great step and da changes is happenin so fast, in a matter of a mth. Life's suddenly feelin so stressed out and not forgettin to mention, its makin me have mixed emotions. Tis past 2wks, ive been hurt, i cried buckets, my anger has exceeded its tolerance level, ive been havin evil tots and held bad grudges against ppl, i curse and swear all da tym, ive been in and out of love, and many more. Its jus confusin. I hate mixed emotions. Its lyk sumtin's jus aint ryte. I dun feel good and its not only hurtin me emotionally but its causin me to blow up. Sigh.

Da departure of Adeline esp is sumtin dats emotionally uncontrollable. It hurts. Havin her wit CB and havin her ard as a motherly figure to all of us; it plays sucha great role in my life. We totally didnt see her resignation cumin. But i gues we were prepared for da worse wen she made her decision to leave all of us. Her last workin day wit us was indeed a tearful one. Not even a single soul who didnt shed any tears in da outlet. And dat particular day, da outlet was quiet, not busy as usual and da atmosphere was indeed a sad one. And as she hugged me, she said, "Iqah,be a gd girl. Dun be naughty. Study hard. Listen to yr mummy". Dos words are stil playin in my mind. I cudnt help but shed bucket of tears. No, i did not lose a loved one but my loved one left me. Sigh. Tmro's da farewell party for her and is being held at Edmund's place. I so cant wait. Im already missing her so much.

So yeah. Da reshufflin of da managers. Nizam is takin over Ad's place. Jabar is headin to ECP. And Irene's been transferred to T1DT. Aishah's been appointed to MIT and wil be transferred to BQ. It sucks. Another BJ family lost. OM Edmund called da outlet yestdae and airport's expectin our entire outlet to shift der once CB Bugis closes down in Oct. It sucks. Again. Suddenly da BJ ppl are takin a big stumble down. Sigh. Cant some kind, rich soul buy back the space from dat bloody Esprit and give us that space? Its so unfair. Ad's gone, and now even da outlet's goin too. Da tot of CB Bugis closin down in a matter of mths is so unbelievable and hurting. I gues all im left to do is to count down da days... Sigh.

Jus da otha day, we broke up. And finally i felt free of all da stress and accusations and da painful and hurting comments. And wen we patched it up and his bdae came, suddenly things happened so fast. Discussions were bein brought up to as wen we were gonna get engaged and all, but decisions has yet to be made. Its scary. Im stil young and wantin to enjoy life but lyk he said, he's gettin older and he cant afford to enjoy so much lyk durin his youth days. Sigh. Im totally at my wits end. But i gues da only thing to do rite now is to take things slow and ignore wateva crap his mum's talkin abt. Sigh.

Last Tues was his bday. Renovations had started at home and it was freakin noisy and hence, decided to head to his place in da early morning. Wit MacD bfast, CB cakes, NTUC's groceries and an Adidas bag fulla bday pressies, i looked lyk a mad woman, seriously. And i took cab to his place from Sbwg MRT, which was jus 5blocks away. I wasted my money wen i cud walk. I noe, but i was freakin tired and da weather was freakin hott. It was so much fun. I helped his mum cook, helped his sis wit her weddin preparations and spent sum quality tym wit him. I felt loved and it totally feels good. Ahah.

Evening came and i left his place to meet Zuri. As planned and as promised, he owed me a date and well, it jus hatta be on da same day as Baby's bday. Zuri was sweeet. Real sweeet. He paid for da cab fare from Sbwg to town. 17bucks. Den der was Pastamania meal. 30bucks. CB drinks. Anotha 15bucks. Damn. He spent alot on me. And dat didnt include otha minor stuffs we bought. Haha. I wtd to go dutch but he insisted on payin for everytin. So yeah, wasnt i lucky? Heehee. Cant help it if a guy wants to play chivalry and act all gentleman ryte? And to tink Hasinah and Sarah called me a High Maintenance Girl. Lyk wth. Haha. Our nite out in town dat particular day was indeed a memorable one. Thou it was lyk our normal dates, sumhow dat day was filled wit sumtin special. But i gues only my bestie can noe! Haha. No, i wasnt cheatin on Baby. My date wit Zuri was just a clean date wit a good fwen. Yeahhh.. =))

Believe it or nots, im actually listenin to High School Musical's songs. Haha. Da movie's nice and i actually watched it twice. And im so addicted to da songs. I gues ders a big kid in me. Haha. And i actuali visited da Asian webbie for Disney Channel and took da stoopid quiz. Haha. And gues wat, my character reflects Troy! LOL. Im sucha lame-o lor! Haha. Speakin of movies, i so cant wait to watch Nacho Libre wit Zuri, as promised by him. Again. Haha. I watched da trailer online and its freakin funny. A lil lame, but its a must watch. I noe a gd movie wen i see one. Haha.

I gues its off to da bed for me rite now. Yawnin is so contagious, man. Im already catchin it from my bro. Damn. And it sucks when im down wit diarrhoea and vomitting. Lets hope this flu doesnt catch into a fever. Damn da virus. Tra la la... Am off to my aftanoon nap. Muacks!

happiness.

2006-07-10T23:43:00.000+08:00

Finally an off day. Slept at home like a pig. Woke up some time afta five in da evening and to discover 16 missed calls and 11 smses. Like asthou these ppl have nothing beta to do den to disturb me. Oh wells. Watched Holland V for awhile b4 headin out. And i finally got home.

Im in sucha confused state. Baby and me have been roughing it out. So many probs coming our way and it has not been particularly easy. A whirl of emotions and plenty of disturbances. Is it me or is it him being the unreasonable one? I succumb to all of his wishes and i pretty much listen to him most of the time, but somehow dat rather aint enuff. Im so sick and tired of us having petty arguements 24/7 and to find myself being emotionally stressed out. I love him so much but sometimes i just feel that we're drifting further and further apart; now that we rarely see each other. And the feelings have all gone wrong. And he blames me for all of that and plenty more. Its so fucking unfair to put the blame entirely on me when i have to work my ass off 24/7 to earn a living and all he does is to disturb me with unimportant stuffs. Its so fucking unfair. Lifes so fucking unfair. I cant help it if im busy with work that i cant travel all the way to the north just to visit you. I know ive not been a gd gf but i just cant help it. Im surviving on my own with no more help from him and no more charities from mummy dearest. Its hard now that my parents aint pampering me with the cash flow and im financially unstable. It sucks. And bad enuff; mum's being calculative with the phone bills. So now its just me; alone, surviving on my own with only a roof to stay in that doesnt need no payment.

Im so at my ends wits. Besides him, my family is so stressing me out and making things worse. It aint helping when all my sis does is to put him down and im often disturbed when she disses him. Whats so great about her fiancee anyway? Hes fuckin fat and fucking ugly. And mentally he aint no diff from my bf. And my mum's constantly reprimanding to go find another bf whos rich and useful with looks. Like wth. To hell with looks. It so cant get you nowhere in life. Im hurt that they keep looking down on him and its making things more confusing and difficult for me. The thought of leaving him came across my mind but i just cant bring myself to it. We have ever been apart and it sucked. Our 7mths together as a couple doesnt just mean nothing. And i seriously cant udstd whats up with my mum. I mean, im still young and marriage is still far off from my thoughts. I dont even have any intention to settle down with him, so why get all worked up? It feels uneasy when they mention stuffs abt him. I try as much as i can to protect him; his name and dignity but my mummy dearest is just so prejudiced. And it sucks cause she's always siding with my sis. And my sis has sucha fucking foul mouth. And she learned it from me. Bitch her.

Anotha loong sleepless nyte for me. And anotha long working day ahead tmro. Then its off to the class pit at ECP the next day. I so cant wait to reunite with the peeps. I need my dose of laughter and crap from these loving people. Plus my nite trip to sentosa and da beach bar. Whee... Hehe. Signing off. Sayonara.

postings out.

2006-07-06T13:53:00.000+08:00

Okay, the reshuffling caught me by surprise. CGH did a major reshuffling and i tink they're left with 2groups. For a moment, Haifa and me thought we were gonna be sent over to TTSH. I was half heartedly hoping for it. Hahas. Crazy. And surprise surprise. I was sent over to SGH instead. Damn, i've never worked der there and it sounds pretty scary when others say work there is tough. Come on, i'm so used to slacking at CGH with all the nurses and all. Plus, i've always been my pampered by my family to have me being sent to work in the early morning and being fetched in the late night, and i have no idea how i'm gonna cope with having to wake up early in the morning and rushing for the public transport. Damn. And i cant imagine how i'm gonna cope when i wake up late and stuffs. Shittified. If only baby didnt injured his leg, he could stil send and fetch me from work. Sigh. Even he agrees that its too far for me. Nevertheless,
i'm happy that the lovely bunch of people in my CP 1.2 is still with me. Oh, plus Haifa is in the same group as me. Yeah. And i think der's Nini, Enaby, oh yah, and Nana is in SGH too. She got kicked out from NUH. Hahas. Kidding. But yeah, reali exciting. And our group's going to our IMH posting on the 1st week. Aint that cool? I so cant wit to hang out with the the retards and abusers. Hahas.

So anyways, its the 2nd day of the hols and i'm so restless already. Reason being; i'm short of cash. Thus, the hard work. I so cant wait for payday. I've so much to splurge it onto. To hell wit da bills. Hahas. So yeah. I changed my skin. Lovely, aint it? I somehow have a liking towards green. The colour seems rather calm and demuring. Confident, elegant and wishful. Dont, you think? Oh wells. I'll blog in laters. Wanna get ready now. Am going Bugis with mummy dearest. So yeah, laters.

exams

2006-07-03T11:32:00.000+08:00

Am happily eatin my macdonalds bfast and chattin away wit hubby on da phone. He was soo sweet tis mornin. So supah sweet! Deliciously sweet! I heart him many2! Scram, you people! Hehe. Bio paper was aok tdy. Ah im proud to say i made several mistakes. I got ventolin mistaken for nebuliser! Yayness. Few marks gone,i tink. Plus i got my drug groups totally mixed up. Double yayness. Stoopid drugs. Haha. But i gues as a whole i did pweety well. Was satisfied wit my ppr, thus, leavin early.

I saw him in da hall tdy. He sat near me. And we were constantly smilin and exchangin glances while doin da ppr. Haha. I gues i stil hav a crush on him but jus da teeniest bit. Sucha turn off dat his fwens noes. Plus his fwens are so uncool lor. Minus 1point. Haha. I love his smile thou it looks rather evil. Hehe. I love his pursed lips. =))

Came to find out dat Hamidah extended her stay and wil leavin wen we graduate. Plus she'll be in clinical 1.1 wit da newbies. Hope we're in da same ward. And yeah, da posting aint out yet. Freak. Im so lazy to attend da class pit nxt wk. Isk, can i not go? Hurhur. But den again, i'll hav to pay and i'll waste my 5bucks. So wth. Blog in ltr ppl. Wana talk love wit my boyfie. Ltrs. Muackss!

studyin.

2006-07-02T04:32:00.000+08:00

Its 0432 on a sunday mornin and its been 5hrs since i've been on my intensive studyin session but nothin intensive gettin in my head so far. I tink im da only human wit very minimal long term capacity. Pathetic. Jus got off da phone wit honey. He's fast asleep now; i cud hear him snore thru da phone wen he blanked out for a min. And im stil bloody awake. Been workin my ass off these 3days wen i shud be studyin. Didnt get my priorities rite. Whatever. Updating my blog seems to be a chore nowadays. Plus da net seems boring. Nothin of my interest. Double whatever.

Da finals is tmro. And i'm so not prepared. But den again, wen hav i eva been prapared for a test or an exam? NEVER! My tots exactly. Bio's a drag and PCA's a confirmed double drag. Thank god der's only 2 papers to sit for. But den again, dos 2 modules are enuf to make my head spin. Whatever. Sumhow i cant reali vision myself to be an enrolled nurse in da future. Tinkin back, i dunoe wad da hell i've been doin tis past yr. Dun get me wrg. Nursing's fun and cool. But sumhow da tot of havin sumone's life in yr hands is so not fun lor! Its dwnrite scary. Tym to put my back up plan in action i gues. Ah, watever.

I cant deny dat i've got a small crush on him. Its wrg and all. I noe; esp since i'm attached. But my heart cant stop doin its flip flops wen we past each otha in da hall way. He's cute in a funny kinda way. Plus he never fails to make me smile or luff wen we chat. But i gues his fwens are aware of my liking twrds him. And i hate dat. No more mysterious vibes in da air btwn us anymore. So uncool.

A month more to his 1year anniversary. 300705. A date to rmbr. Flashbacks of him has constantly been playin in my mind. Sumhow sadness seems to cloud my happiness tis mth and it sucks havin to go thru tis ordeal alone for sumtyms da hurt and pain can be pweety much antagonizing. I gues da reason y i'm in tis mood is bcos of da accidents happenin lately dat sumhow hav been tormentin me. From dat freakin RTA of da 2 Sporeans i witnessed in Msia last yr, to my bro's accident, my boyfren's, to dat young rider who died in a RTA last wk and also to him. Disturbing sight and an ugly tot. Wen i tink of da articles da papers write, i'm sumhow overwhelmed wit anger. All dat was written of him last yr was a short paragraph. No pictures, no notin. Bloody photographers. Useless. Da pain he had to go thru; it pierces my heart. I thank ALLAH he didnt have to suffer much and i thank HIM for dat beautiful smile dat was displayed on his face. I miss you, bro. I hope u're doin fine. Ameen.

Sigh. I guess i shud be headin to sleep now. Wish me lucks for da papers. Sayonara.

a world of nonsense.

2006-06-10T14:41:00.000+08:00

Back at bloggin. Da past wk has not been particularly smooth for me. Infact, a topsy-turvy roller coaster ride fulla confused emotions is how i'd describe my past wk. Within secs + mins + hrs, so many things happened and each incident tellin a different story. Nonetheless, I survived and am stil living, barely affected to tell tis tale. So many misundastandings + backstabbing + immatured squabbles. Well, i'll bitch abt dat ltr. My main priority; my boyfie.

Our huge row ended in a very endearing situation fulla tears. 3days of silence caused insanity to run in me. Was preparin for da phase test durin break tym wen he msged, informing me of his accident. Rang him back and got a confirmation from his sister. I broke down and was mentally disturbed. Thanks to da girls who supported me emotionally thou for a few mins. Im thankful for dat.

I felt bad for leavin him to suffer by himself while i was clubbin away dat particular Weds nyte, w/o knowin wat happened to him. I felt guilty for i was da one hu started da huge row btwn us. And it was all my fault i didnt take care of him while he was sick and didnt bother to stop him from goin to work. It all wudnt hav happened if i had been by his side. Im sucha mean person. Argh. Im jus thankful he's stil alive and recuperating. Sigh.

Went to visit him rite afta phase test wit Tasya and Nab. My heart sank upon seein him. So many lines all over. From da IV drip to da strings elevatin his legs and to wateva nots. It hurts. My poor baby was lookin pale, and in pain. Came back again da next day b4 headin to work. But decided to skip work and accompany him instd. Went back and packed a set of clean clothes b4 headin to da hosp in da evenin. His rider fwens were ard. Introductions were made and i was bein questioned by da guys. Freakin kaypotic ppl. His parents went back and i was left alone to nurse him dat nyte. A long long sleepless nyte. Followin dat, endless visits to and fro da hosp.

Now dat he's gone thru part of an op, im more relieved and well, more calmed. He's lookin beta now. No more catheter. A big yayness for him. Hurhur... Im jus waitin for his 2nd op to be done and for him to be able to sit. Sigh. So yeah. Im bein welcomed by his family. Originally his mum was a lil quiet, but now, she's more fwenly to da extend dat she actuali buys me stuffs and feeds me a few spoonsful while feedin him. I like her. Hurhur...

Secondly, my bestie's back! Yeahh, Natasya's back! Babes, wat did u get for me? Hurhur... I simply miss u over da days! I miss u lyk crazy! We've so much bitchin and gosspin to catch up on! And yeah, i got my pay. Lets go pig out. My treat. We simply gotta mit up. Several chats on da cell aint enuff for us, honey! U shud noe dat. Whee... I heart u babes! =)

Aaahhh yesh. Words cant describe my overjoyedness. Hurhur... So yeahh. Yestdae i went for da Blood Donation cum Bone Marrow drive wit Massie. It was a laz min impromptu kinda thang. I was scared at 1st but im happy i went for it. Da tot of seein othas lyin dwn wit blood bein excreted out was kinda freaky. But i braved myself and stepped fwd to help da needy. I gues wat gestured me to donate was da tot of seein my boyfie havin to go thru a blood transfusion durin my sty wit him at da hosp. Dat blood cud've easily been mine if we had da same blood type. So yeahh. Da process took abt an hr. And dat included da Bone Marrow process. Met up wit Yati hu had waited for me. We went for a smoke at Bedok. Gosh. It had been ages since we both went smokin 2getha. We bitched abt tis particular matrep hu was eyein Yati wen tis particular police officer walked pass. And he actuali gav us a smile. Hurhur... And we boarded da train back. She was off for home and me; to da comfort of my boyfie and his mummy. Hurhur... :)

So yeahh. Enuff said abt dat. Nows da bitchin part. Da grrls came to find out abt my blog; thanks to da courtesy of her. And it not only caused misunderstandings, but endless gossping and bitching. To dat particular person hu claimed i accused her, pls re-read my blog and knock sum sense into yr head. Wen it cums to fwenships, i'ver never been calculative and im oways willing to go dat xtra mile be it financially, physically and wateva else. U can ask Nabilah if u wan to. We bitch abt each otha all da tym and sumtyms we may diss each other for god noes wateva reasons, but she noes im here for her at anytym wen she nids me and i've never been calculative. I didnt ask u to pay me back in any way nor did i say u were unthankful for my fwenship. Maybe i was sarcastic, yes. But i certainly didnt mean to hurt or offend u; if dats wat u tink i was tryin to do. And to tis person, im sorry i had pissed u off thou dat wasnt my intention and i've neva bitched abt u if dats wat u wan to noe. And to dat otha particular person hu blab abt my blog and so called unknowingly "hasut" tis person's mind, pls get yr facts rite da next tym b4 u stir any trouble.

And to da grrls i used to hang out wit, im so ever thankful for da fwenship u guys had given me. I've notin against u girls no matter how bad yr mouth is wen u bitch abt me and otha ppl. Dun deny. But here's a fact. I've never blabbed abt wateva bitching u girls had said abt da current girls im currently wit coz im so not a backstabber. And wen othas bitch abt u ppl, i never bitch back to put u girls dwn. And if u tink Yati has a bad mouth, den tink again. Coz she certainly didnt bitch abt u girls nor backstabbed u ppl. U noe very well hu did it, so quit blamin her.

And dun tell me to look in da mirror, grow up and do sum soul-searching. Sheesh. Do u even noe wats soul-searching suppose to mean? Vice versa. So b4 u start accusin me wit all dat bitchin coz u ppl feel insecure and tink im a threat, den tink twice. If not, thrice. Coz nobody aint nice lyk me. Two can play a game. U wan it clean or u wan it nasty, u decide. And seriously, u dun have to like me.

And to tis particular senior citizen. Cum on lah, u've oredi made a scene laz yr and da entire class practically disses u and i bet da entire teaching faculty tinks u're a lame shyt hus oways tryin to get attention. And now wat else?! Sheesh. Seriously, i've neva had anytin against u but ur attitude dat particular day totally pisses me off and it stinks. I mean, come on lah, so wat if Yati confronted u?! U jus hatta confront back da truth. Tellin sumone off is so much beta den bitchin behind her back. Seriously. And tryin to be in total denial is totally lame shyt. And cum on larh, i oredi said to stop da stoopid, lame squabble and u jus hatta make things worse and let it known to Hamidah abt it. Arent u embarrass at all? Lyk wth. U're almoz da same age as her sia, if not, older. She was practically luffin her ass off wen she told Avril Yeo abt it. Sheesh. And pls ehh. Stop goin ard da entire class and cohort, tellin othas and gainin sympathy. Lyk asthou dey give a fuck. Freak. And even if u diss my fwen for confrontin u, u didnt hav to snub me off wen i was sincerely concern abt yr feelings. Mcm sial.

Freak. Why cant everyone jus take bitchin maturely and stop all tis lame shyt? Dah mcm pri skool siakk. Practically everyone's all touche2 and super sensitive. Lame-o. Sigh. And i wonder why my temper is at my breakin point. I mean, my tolerance and patience level used to be way high and now, i jus cant wait for sumone to make a mistake and mess wit me so i can vent my frustrations. And its been ages since i last laid a hand on sumone. Freak. I cant do dat. Its all wrong. Freak. Wat hav i said. Suddenly i've becum sucha mean-o. A bitch, to be exact. Freak. Enuff said. Im so fucked up jus readin tis freakin thing. It has to be my longest post so far. Sheesh. A note to da readers; both welcomed and unwelcomed.

If i did offend anyone on my blog, pls forgive me. But den again, tis blog is mine. So pls feel free to get da hell outta my site if u cant swallow wat i shoved dwn your throat. Beta stil, jus shut your pie hole. Life is cruel and da truth can slap your face sumtyms. Trust me; if i mentioned u in my blog means u jus nid to hear anotha side of da story, rather den your own. U muz hav been a pain in da place where da sun dun shine. Otha den dat i love u. Really. Muacks.

See. I told u im a nice person. Hurhur... Gues i'll be off to da hosp now. Ltrs ppl.

bitchyness. bittcch is bbaacckk.

2006-05-31T22:01:00.000+08:00

Another fucked up day in sch. Is it me or is heaven jus not by my side tis wk? Sumhow tings jus doesnt turn out ryte. Is it me or is da ppl ard me jus oblivious and totally ignorant? Mayb its dem, but mayb its me. Been keepin stuffs to myself lately and evrytin's jus waitin to explode. Sch ended early tdy and i went home straite. Sumhow i wasnt in da mood to hang out or talk to anione, for dat matter. No matter how hard i try to smile and pretend everytin is alryte, it jus doesnt feel ryte. My occasional breakdwns can be seen by Yati and so far she's da only one ard me who has been sensitive to my feelings. Da othas are jus plain bloody ignorant. And it hurts. Coz i tot dey cared. Eveyone's a fake. Its only wen dey want sumtin dat dey cum findin u. I mean, cum on lor, where wud u get a fwen who'd carry yr beg and send u back wen u were injured and limping away? Where wud u get a fwen who'd be by yr side 24/7 wen u were heartbroken? Sumtyms i tink im jus plain stoopid to actuali go an extra mile for my fwens wen in return, dey dun give a two cents shyt abt me. Lets make it realistic, im jus plain dumb. From pri sch to sec sch and now. How cum gd deeds doesnt pay wit anotha? Sigh.

Eversince she found out dat i knew abt her and tis particular fwen of mine, she's been actin kinda cold twrds me. I tink she's paiseh abt it. But cum on lor, im so ok wit it. And if anione were to be angry, it'd be me lor. Not her. So wth lor. And as for da otha her pulak, dunoe wats wrg wit her. If she didnt wana accompany me watch soccer, jus say so lor. Not nid to give phase test as an excuse to mit yr bf . And cum on lor, im totally fine wit it. Dunoe since wen dey tink im so not understandin. Lyk wth lor. Girrls. Sigh. Is it me or is evrione goin thru sum personality transplant? Even Shai pissed me off in sch tdy. We had a lunch date. He rang me up, askin me to mit him at da cafe. Came wit Nab, and he was der wit Nureen! And he noes i hate her! Evrione does. Bitch. Den to make it worse, she was practically pullin him to her side and wen Nab and me sat at a table, she jus pulled him to her table. Lyk wtf lor gurl. Bitch dat Shai. We were sposed to spend tym togetha. Its been ages sia since we last hang out. And dat bitch Nureen hatta be in da way. Shai's a bitch too lahh! Argh.

I finally came to realise wat Mum was tryin to convey all tis yrs. Hav many fwens, yesh. But a best fwen, very rare to find. Im thankful i dun hav to search hi and low for a best fwen as a companion. Coz i oredi found her and she's been by my side tis past 5 and a half yrs. Thanks babes. I heart u many2. <3>

Haish. Enuff of ma fwenship theory. Makes me sick. Sumtyms i tink i shud jus go back to bein a bitch.. During dos minah days, no one dared to mess wit me. And it was fun. Damn. Im sucha evil knievel. Ahaks. Lyk wth lor. Mayb if bein a bitch is sumtin dat wud make ppl stop steppin on my head and takin advantage of me, den mayb i shud turn back to my past. Plus, life den was more fun and wild. Sigh.

So he rang me up jus now. But i didnt ans his kol cause i was half dead in my uniform, i didnt noe watta say + i had no mood to tok to anione for dat matter. Sigh. Give me sumtin worth living for. Tell me a reason worth fighting for. Give me anything, anything to keep me breathing. Argh. Im back to my emo side. Sumhow Matchbook Romance oways kept me company. Trueness. Oh wells. My pract phase test is tml. Im so freakin scared. Havent study. Well, gonna study now. Taz fer now.

insanity berserks me.

2006-05-31T00:18:00.000+08:00

Babes, sumhow rather u made me very happy today. Hanging out wit u has certainly been a great pleasure lor. Its great to noe dat sumone actuali appreciates u. Oh wells. So yeahh. I jus got back home. 1215am. Freak. A few more hrs to go til i gotta wake up for sch. Sch's a drag. Tdy we jus took attendance in da mornin at 8am and had free period til 12noon. Freak ryte. Waste my freakin tym. Had bfast and headed to da reading room to sleep. I drooled. Freak. Thank god no one saw lor. Hahas. And tml's anotha long day wit anotha long free period in btwn. I so got no mood. Wonder whose crib i can tumpang. Eheh.

So tdy was a happy day fer me. Extremely happy. Sch was as per normal. Alot of gossiping and bitching and hysterical laughters from me and her. Da otha otha grrls didnt layan much. Oh wth lor. So anyhoo, we headed to Tamp fer awhile and headed back. Met up wit Natasya ltr ons. She accompanied me back and i got ready to go out. Surprise surprise. I took less den half hr to get ready lor! My fastest i tink. Eheh. Tasya and me ran into Rahim. Jerk. Infront of his fwen, he act lyk some big fuck. Wth lor. Young boys. Eheh.

Tasya and me headed to MJC to watch da soccer match. Da Under 18s Home United vs Gombak. Watching it was fun, but we had difficulties searchin for Hisyam. Da field was biiig lor! Den ran into Zack der. Anotha surprise. He was der to run and train for his soccer. He was cute lookin lor! Tasya has her eyes set on him. Eheh. Sowie dear, he's taken. U stil want? As fwens lahh. Eheh. =))

Tasya hatta run along early and Zack accompanied me. Waited for Ein to come to pass his helmet back. Den went off wit Zack. It was so much fun chilling out wit him. We reminisced da past. It was insane. Ahaks. So yeahh. Hisyam's a lil upset wit me coz i didnt sty to watch da entire match and wait for him. Lyk wth lor. Didnt meet him. Haish. Was wit Zack da entire tym til jus now. Heavenly. Hahas. Sumhow rather im happy tdy.

But nevertheless, underneath all dat happiness lies a broken heart + broken smile + a shattered dream. Sigh. He jus doesnt get it huh. Its been 3days now. I wonder how long tis will last. I cry myself to sleep but wake up, tinkin of him. It hurts. Im confused. Sigh. I dread as each day passes; tinkin dat our anniversary is jus ard da corner. Sigh.

My eyes are drooping. I need my sleep, + my fair share of a gd cry. Ltrs ppl. Ddaahhh! =))

shattered tears.

2006-05-29T18:52:00.000+08:00

Im freakin pissed. And as usual wen im freakin pissed, im in no fuckin mood and im fuckin moody. Tantrums. Back awayy people! ARGH!! Im havin Ricky Martin's song on full blast. Ive da urge to dance. I nid to dance. Booze + dance blend in so well togetha. Freak. Ive da urge to club. Freak. I nid my wilderness. ARGH!!

No offense; but dat'll be da 1st and da last tym im gona do projects wif u gurls. Its not fair lor. I work my ass off whereas from da beginning, u gurls forced me in yr grp wen no one else wtd u ppl and u even said i wudnt nid to do much work as u gurls wud be doin dem. Look where yr words went, ppl! And wen we're up to our necks and feelin so fuckin stressed out, u ppl are tryin to throw tantrums at me! Wtf lor. It shud be me being fuckin pissed at u ppl, but u make me look lyk da scapegoat. I work my ass off, hello! Freak. All da research was done by me. And none came from u two. I repeat, NONE. Instd, im to take yr fuckin tantrums and bear wit it. Fuck. Ive had enuff shyts mann. Thank godd da projects over and done wit.

Im goin fuckin insane now. Im so fuckin sleepy and famished and fuckin hungree. Got back at 2am laz nyte and slept for a mere few hrs b4 i hatta wake up 4 sch. My mind was practically blanked out during Bio class and i was frequently dozing off. Yeahh, went to Hazie's place yestdae aftanoon to finish up da project. It was not until midnyte dat we finally got it done. Thanks to my boyfie, i hatta rush to JE to get da last train. I boarded da train, but it only went to AMK. And da rest was history. Dun wana xplain da nyte. I can die. ARGH!!

Im so fuckin relieved dat da projects over! Sucha disaster producing it. But it turned out pretty well i must say. Now THAT'S over. Gotta concentrate on our Phase Test. Hamidah failed a few students. Evrione's being harsh. My turn's on Thurs and im so freakin scared. Ive not enuff practise and im not even confident dat i can pass. Freak. We've so many free periods tis wk, startin from tmro. Sucha waste of tym jus goin to sch. Sigh.

Im mentally disturbed and emotionally drained out. Everytin has not been ryte btwn me and him. He's been sick and he's been on tis fuckin attitude change. Im totally clueless and fuck, i gotta take all da shyts from him. Bad enuff dat ive so many tings on my mind. And he aint helpin, but only makin it worse. Im confused. He said sorry afta shoutin at me laz nyte but im so fuckin hurt dat i aint replyin his smses nor entertainin his kols. I dun mean to be harsh, but i tink a few days alone is wat i nid to calm myself dwn. Sumtyms i want out of tis rship but i love him dearly. It hurts. Despite hurls of verbal abuse, im stil laying motionlessly and pretendin nothin happened. Is tis how its sposed to be? A few more days to our anniversary. Is tis wats expected of our rship? -- dat evritym our anniversary's coming, we hav a huge fite? Is dat how things are sposed to be? If its not, can sumbody pls explain to me wats going on. Coz i for once, dont udstd wats goin on and my minds too compressed and blanked out jus to tink. Maybe Yati's ryte. Shud i jus move on? Afta all, if he doesnt treasure da rship, wats da point ryte. Maybe its tym i give Madi a chance. Afta all, its been 3yrs now dat he's been wantin me back afta our break up. Haizzz...
Babyy, did u hav a personality transplant or sumtin? Wats up wit u? I noe u didnt mean to shout and say dos nasty things, but why, dear, why? It hurts wen u said dos things to me. Fuckk. Insanity.

Lets give him a few more days and see wat happens. Ah fuck. Anotha long day ahead tml. Gotta mit up wit Dee. She wants my Puma bag. Im so fuckin lazy but oh well, wat are cuzzies for aye... Hisyam's havin a friendly soccer match tml at MJC. I so cant wait for tml. Lets hope my sunshine of a pal can cheer me up. Haiz. Im outs.

muackss

2006-05-25T21:34:00.000+08:00

My babyy's sick. It sucks. It sucks bcoz we were sposed to mit up tdy. And he's dwn wit hi fever plus a stomach flu, i tink. Wtd to visit him afta sch tdy but he told me to study instd. Yeahh, trueness. My test is tmro but i've no freakin mood. Da whole day was so draggy. I actuali dozed off numerous tyms durin lessons and my mind was blank. Freak. From 8am to 6pm. I cann die...

Da endocrine system. Pituitary gland. Thyroid, parathyroid gland. Adrenal gland. Islets of Langerhans. Pineal and Thymus gland. Ahh shyt. Got 1 more i forgot. Ah freak. I so no mood. I tink i wana sleep. Bye lahh.

Babyy. Get well soon. I miss u. I wana hug and kiss u many2. Can ryte... Of course cann. Im yr babyy mahh. Kwang2... I love you, honey. Muackss. =))

Psst. Yati, aku tak jelak tengok boyfie aku hari2 ok. Lu bole belah! Blueks!

iLOVEyou.
Muhammad Raziman.

lalalala~

2006-05-24T20:20:00.001+08:00

Unbelievable. I'm so hooked on to dat song. Surprisingly; it came from my bf. We were sitting dwn, listening to my mp3 wen he said, "B, dengar lagu nie. Untuk you." *grins*

I was already meltin upon listenin to da meaningful lyrics while hearin him humm to da tune. I knew my bf was a lil bit jiwang, but didnt expect tis to cum from him. My honey bunch's sho sweeet! N yeah, i listen to da song on my mp3 occasionally but tot nothin of it. Not until he mentioned it and so called, dedicated it to me. N as i closed my eyes to enjoy da song, he tot i was asleep and he began singing certain verses of da song. I cudnt help but feel so flattered and overjoyed. My babyy's sentimental huhh... *sigh*

U noe; sumtyms wen u get into a rship for a long tym, u tink u may noe dat person very well. But subsequently, u realise, der's stil much to learn abt him/her. And seriously, im enjoyin every single moment wen i discover sumtin new abt my babyy. Its lyk, im gettin to noe him all over again. The feeling of love. Aaahhh... And to Natasya, im sorry i scared u. But rest assured i wont jump into any engagements yet. Not wit him nor wit anione else; for dat matter.

So yeahh. Sch has been a lil slow and draggy tis wk. A lil bit boring. One way or anotha, a lil sensitivity and mood swings/bad temper have been going on. Unhealthy atmosphere. Nvrtheless, our clique's craziness has increased. Nys, Fana and myself are goin bananas on Kid's & Isk's jokes, and amendin dem. Takde keje sakk. Weird; i noe. Great laughter thou. Hahas. And yeah, a lil sensitivity going on btwn dos 3 grrls. Lyk cum on lor... Umur brape sak nak sensitive2 nie smue. Freak. Tis wk was d start of da Track and Field events. As expected, i didnt win. But thank god i didnt lose badly either. 4th place. Not bad lahh. At least i stil get my CCA pts. Huaks~ Mr Allan asked me to join da Inter Sch Track & Field team. Im so not da sporty person. Plus da practices will be held at Gombak. Puhlease lor... Gilerr! Oh yeahh. Erin did her race laz Mon but she fell. We all tot she fainted for real; thank god she didnt. Scared us to death. Syafa was worried lyk hell. Freak. But tdy Erin ran well. Da grrls made it into da finals. Am hapi for dem.

Ohh yeahh. Ran into Azura on Monday. Totally didnt recognise her. My eyes were set on Zaleta. Stil da same face, same snubby and snotty look and da same cold character. Azura was more lively and fwenly. Gosh. I sorta miss her. Miss dos days we were 2getha. Freak dos backstabbing moments. Blame it on dat bitch. Bitch you. Wth. So yeahh. Phase tests and wateva not tests coming up. So not prepared. Dun feel lyk takin it. Im so tired of sch. *argh*

Mummy da balek. My roti john. Blog back ltrs. Muackss! =))

unbelievable.

2006-05-24T20:15:00.000+08:00

"Unbelievable" by Craig David.

Always said I would know where to find love,
Always thought I'd be ready and strong enough,
But some times I just felt I could give up.
But you came and changed my whole world now,
I'm somewhere I've never been before.
Now I see, what love means.

It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

In my heart, in my head, it's so clear now,
Hold my hand you've got nothing to fear now,
I was lost and you've rescued me some how-.
I'm alive, I'm in love you complete me,
And I've never been here before.
Now I see, what love means.

It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

When I think of what I have, and this chance I nearly lost,
I cant help but break down, and cry.
Ohh yeah, break down and cry.

It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

Now I see, what love means.

class A bitch.

2006-05-21T11:26:00.000+08:00

Yestdae was sucha freakin pissing off day fer me. Im so fucked up. No, dat aint rite. Da ENTIRE past week has been so fucked up. Sch has been so freakin hectic + sum bitches hav been in ma way + my lack of sleep and my so-not-good mood swings. Freak. Been getting back from sch late evridae. Classes ends at six + my afta sch social life -- Busy busy busy.

Nevertheless, good things 1st. Finally gotta meet my darling dearest Amy and boo, Alep. Gosh. I miss her so much! Plus Alep too. He looked supa cute in his NS uniform. No doubt. Hahas. Didnt stay long to meet Ellyas thou. Mayb nxt tym. Hatta bring my mum's cake backk. Yeahh, i splurged 80bucks on gifts fer her. Flowers, a cake, a card + tis super lovely magnet wit meaningful quotations. Definitely worth it. Im contented enuff dat i was able to maker her happy despite our previous misundastandings. I love my mummy dearest! Muacks.

Tis wk evrione's been sick. Da virus is definitely spreadin ard in class. Sucks coz i was also one of da victims. Freak. Kyns been warded at KK due to DKA + Nysa hatta go thru her blood transfusion ydae. Sucks seein ma fwens bein sick and all. Bote fer Kyn tis biiig Bugs Bunny soft toy, abt da size of her. Gosh. I wan it seyy. Hahas. Costs me big bucks but it was definitely worth it to see her smile and happy. Well, tis is to her. Kyns, i miss u soo much! I reali do. U've oways been da one to make me smile and laugh. And i hope tis tym i can be da one to do da same 4 u. I miss da sound of yr voice callin my name, yr warm smile and our frequent whacky tactics. My heart sank and i was freakin worried wen i heard u had complications. Dun exert yrself, honey. Do eat yr medsen and get enuf rest. Remember; our mighty rangers cannot fall ill. Look ard u, evrione cares. So dun tink dat no one does ok. Get well soon, my mighty ranger. Huggs and kisses.

Sigh. Der goes my emo side. I gues part of da tym im in my suckiest mood is bcoz of her. Freak. I shudve been der to stop her or do sumtin. Im useless. Fuckin useless. Im so good at dat. Freak. Im sorry Kyns.

I met up wit Ein last Fri. Had early bfast 2getha. His treat. We slacked and talked and stuffs. He sent me back and was off to work. Rushed home and went Bugis to mit up wit Irah and Nana. Babyy picked me up and we were off to pk. Wtd to sty over but Liz hatta call me and remind me of our freakin walkathon. Freak. Thank god we were able to get our deposit. Went to eat Mac and got back afta midnyte. Babby totally made me soo freakin happy today. I love u sayang. Muackss. =))

Woke up at 5plus and met up wit Nysa and Fana. Headed to sch 4 walkathon. It was a complete waste of tym. SERIOUSLY. And it sucked big tym. Fuck dos yr one bitches. Dunoe wad dey tryin to prove lor. And hello! Nursing aint a beauty therapy course. Get yr mindset straite can?! I hate tis bitch. Sum grrl from ma sec skool. And freak. Im so fuckin ashamed to actuali say i noe her. She goes to sch lyk asthou she's going to beach/town. Wth. Retro sunglasses, tite jeans, heavily accessorized, imitation LV bag -- looks more lyk she's going Hari Raya or sumtin. U dress up for a mere 1/2 hr walkathon?! Wth. And fuck yr bitches for pushing ma fwen. Puhlease lor. Sedar diri sikit ahh yg kau tu maseh newbie. Baru masok jgn nak ngada2 pat sini. Fuck u lahh bitch. I dare u to mess ard wit me. Freak.

Went TM wit da gals and had our lunch. Got back and slept. Sowie Tasya; i totally forgot abt yr sch thingy. My sincerest apologies. Met up wit babyy unda da block. Chilled at ma crib and he was off to mit Nas. Boring lah seyy. Ha da entire house to maself and he cudnt sty long. Freak. And Hisyam hatta cancel our date coz his uncle was warded. Dunoe true or not. Fuck him lahh. I so wtd to watch poseidon. *sigh* Wtd to go to Sahara for Liz's mini bash but headed to dblO wit Aishah instd. Her treat. Freak her. She practically left me wit dat freakin fwen of hers once she saw Nizam and geng. Didnt do much dancing. Sat at da bar wit Mira. She was boring. Drank to my hearts content. Thank god for Nizam; he drove me back b4 headin to pk wit Aishah. Bitch. Mcm sial.

Skipped ugame today and dad practically screamed at me. Wth. How he expect me to wake up wit jus 2hrs of sleep + a freakin headache?! Gilerrr. Im stil freakin exhausted and famished. Wanna head to da fishing pond; got tis fishing comp going on. Fana's boyfie is in it. But freak. I gotta go to Abg Taufik's weddin instd. Boring sia. I hate such events. *argh* I got my tongue repierced but i tink it has closed again. Freak. Im sucha dumb ass. *sigh*

Tml's da track and field event. And i dun tink im up for it. My events da finals and not da heats preliminary round but stil, ive no confidence. My arms hurt from my previous training + my leg muscles are aching. Nervous. Goshh. Can i have my boyfie standin nxt to me and keepin me company? Im scared.

To tis particular annoying person, get tis in yr head okay. Im happily attached and i love my boyfriend. I repeat; I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND. So please stop bugging me and asking me out for dates. I dun lyk u and i never will. And stop making wild, lame excuses to get my attention. It wont work and i wont fall for dem ok. And i noe u oways read my blog. We're friends and will only be. THERE! Ive said it. Been wantin to tell him off but had no guts. Wth.

So yeah wanna mandi now. Ltrs ppl. Muackss! =))

overall accomplishment; failed + miserable.

2006-05-13T22:37:00.000+08:00

Im back. My comp da wokay. Yayness. Hahas. So yeahh... Life has been hectic lately. Here's a few updates. Caught my bf out wit anotha gal. Call me stupid; but im stil wit him. I guess dats my retribution for u-noe-wat. I failed my resolution terribly. Started clubbin jus da otha dae + smoking + drinkin and wateva nots. I wtd to be tis sporty person but dat was so unachievable. Long story. So to make tings short, mission failed. I started tis fruits binge jus afta my misery wit my bf but dat failed too. A week into eatin fruits and ONLY fruits, i went back to eatin rice. Dun get me wrg. I cud stand not eatin anytin but fruits. But fruits are so fuckin expensive. And im desperately broke. So yeahh. Da next cheapest things; rice. I started savin sum cash to get my bf a gift but da savings didnt last long. My money went into fruits plus my transport fares. Fuckk. I slept for only 27hrs in total in tis wk and my immune system is down. Im gettin sick. My nose and ears are blocked. Im goin deaf i tink. My nose bleeds. My eyes twitches all da tym. My head spins. I get da chills. Signs and symptoms of fever. Ahaks. Sch has started and evridae is an office tymin schedule. BORING. Overall; mission failed. Overall feelings; miserable. So dats da lil updates. Not reali in da mood for long grandmother stories and stuffs. So anyhoo. CGH has stil NOT paid us. Fuck dem. I swear im gonna burn da hosp if dey dun give our pay by end of tis week. Sial btol. Argh. All da otha hops hav gotten deir pay. Sum hav even completed deir entire pay siakk. Am im living lyk a pauper. FREAK. Plus ive not gotten any Mothers Day gift and tml's da occasion. Gonna celebrate it belatedly, i guess. Sigh. Thank god for my CB pay. I so cant wait. Ooowweee... =)) So yeahh. Dats it for now. Laters. Ddaahhh~

the black out.

2006-04-28T18:16:00.000+08:00

A funny but unusual incident. Was surfin da net on Nys's comp; wit her watchin a malay horror movie on vcd and Fana chattin on her cell wit sum ex of hers, wen da entire place totally blacked out. Prior b4 dat, Nys was askin me sum qns associatin to dat movie. A loud bang of thunder and evritin was in total darkness. Fana screamed lyk hell and went dwn on her seat while Nys was frantically tryin to reach for her cell but to no vail. I was dumbfounded and totally lost for words. Da situation was in total chaos and bof da grrls went screamin deir lungs out. Seriously as i flashback da incident few mins ago, im stil unsure of wat happened. So yeah took da lighter out, kebas Nys's candles by da window, which was actully for display, and lite dem up. Den we went to da switch board, and i jus hentam godeh da thang and surprisingly all da lites were on. We girls are stil ponderin on wat had happened. Creepy. Sum thang not rite wit da switch board. SERIOUSLY.

So yeahh. Da fiasco's over. But my heart is stil thumping hard. Just scared dat sumtin is not rite. Da whole incident is givin me da creeps. *shudders*

So anyhoo, few more days to go til start of sch. Part of me is excited but part of me is stil longing for an extension of da hols. Sigh. Lyk asthou THAT wil happen. Wth. Da thunder is stil crashing and banging outdoors. Gosh. Her mum's backk. Thank godd. Relieved mann. So yeah. Im thinkin of cutting my hair. Any suggestions anyone? Godd. I think dats all im gonna blog for now. Wanna go mkn. Hungreee... =))

goodbye my lover; goodbye my friend.

2006-04-25T15:46:00.000+08:00

Im sitted on da floor, legs crossed. And da comp is being placed, ala japanese kinda setting. Im blogging in today wit da most shittiest feeling i've ever had in months. Too many problems, too many arguements, misunderstandings and what not; been happening in my life. Constant tears, heart breaks and numerous subconscious illusions. Been roughing it out all alone. Sumtyms i just feel dat no one understands me. No one. But im ever thankful for my best bud and otha fellow fwens who has been constantly cheering me up. Yeah, no one ever imagined dat a strong and cheerful person lyk me wit sucha bubbly exterior wud one day break down in public and have god knows how many freakin problems. Gosh. If god can hear my cries, please lessen my burden.

So yeah. We broke up; over a freakin misunderstanding. Hurls of abuses were thrown in my face. And all bcoz of his freakin bike frens. Shock of my lyf. And to think dat we were out earlier on in da evening and we were having da tym of our lyf. And da break up happened. For days i cudnt eat, sleep. I cried and cried. Half a yr gone having spent wit him and tis had to happen. But anotha surprise came. He apologised and yeah, we got back togetha. Im thankful for he came to his senses. And well, we're planning to take another step in our rship. Watever dat means. So yeah.

Sch's startin soon. Simply cant wait to begin. And yeah, to Mdm Hamidah's nursing babes, thank you for da great company. You peeps are simply da best! And yeahh. Ive started workin back at CB. Drp by ya people. So yeah im thinkin of joining dragon boat wen sch reopens. Hoping to shed off my freakin fats. Sigh. So yeah dats it fer now. Til laters babes.

back.back.back.

2006-04-14T17:40:00.000+08:00

Im back. Yeah, finally back. Been gone for so long now. My stoopid comp stil not repaired. Am at Natasya's now, accompanying her. Munching on epok2 and liquidifying myself with Coke on tis freakin cold weather. Ah yesh, im in her house but i stil hav my cap on. Weird, i noe.

Started my hols oredi. Yestdae was da last day at work. A biiig hurray for all of us. Esp for dos workin at da torture chamber aka ward 46. Abit sad to leave da hospital scene thou. But wth. Da past 1mth workin der has been horrendous. Dat bloody ward is so depressing and evrione is sucha two faced freak. Bloody arse! Ungrateful nincampoops. Bbaahhh...

Despite da short 2wks hols, hav so many activities lined up. But not much can be done w/o cash. Yeah, we've yet to get our pay. Pathetic sia. Dunoe where im gonna dig money from. Sigh. So yeah, am gonna work back at CB but not sure wen yet. Plus CVH and yeah, Suntec i guess. Hav notin much to post for now. Kinda distracted watchin Holland V and listenin to Natasya's freakin hamsters. HAHAS. Its been 4months now. Despite our everyday quarrels, im enjoyin every single tym bein wit him and loving him deeper as days goes by. Lets hope our rship wud be a fruitful one. HEART you always, baby.

Dont forget our Kota Tinggi date.
MUACKSS.

Taufik B

2006-03-30T17:09:00.000+08:00

I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored! Why didn't i get to see Taufik???

mindless self confessions.

2006-02-10T20:17:00.000+08:00

Im back. Finally. I cudnt last any day longer in JB. I was dyin of boredom and missin ma dearie. Plus i was super super scared. I cried; i cudnt take it. My nightmares were stil hauntin me. I dun wana elaborate on dat. My heart stil race and beats fast on da tot of dat. *shudders* It sucked; we were miles apart. I smsed him happily thou but nw im tinkin of wat my bill wud be lyk. Shucks. Gotta start save money all ova again. Sumtyms i wonder; where do all my money disappear to? For starters, money is neva enuf for me. But its lyk, one minute ive plenty of cash. And da next, im freakin broke. 2006 hasnt been a great yr for me financially. It sucks big tym. *groan*

Im thankful im back home. Safely; despite da heavy downpours. My prayers were asnwered. Thank god. Im tired. Fatigue. Was constantly bein da baby sitter to my two half-disoriented grandparents. Its tiring. Im worried sick. Atuk has to go for his eye op nxt mth. Underneath his brave front, i noe he's actuali worried and scared for his op. No wonder for his sudden khayalans. Sigh. Woke up early morn today and accompanied Atuk to wash his car. Got back and it was off to a marathon of cleanin up da house. Imagine havin to clean a semi-d house which has not been cleaned since, lyk wat, last 2yrs. My back aches. It hurts so much dat im sheddin a tear now. Damn tis stupid back. Sigh.

Attchmts startin tis monday. Im dreadin da few mths ahead. Worse stil, my 1st day and im on aftanoon shift. So much for enjoying. Two more days to slack. And ive yet to return my library bks. Gona do it tml; tasya's gona kill me. Eheh. Dun wori babes. I'll do it tml kay.

Btw, he's back in singapore. Ooowweee... And he asked me out. I noe im askin for trouble. And if sayang noes, im dead. But i jus wana mit him. I noe its impossible to continue where we left off. Sigh. Its okay, we're stil friends. He noes im attached and he's cool wit dat. Dats gd enuf. And i stil cant believe it. He's back. Oh yah, he's started workin back at Momo. Free invites. Yummy... =))

So yeah today was da release of da GCE O level results. CONGRATULATIONS to my dearest cuzzy, Daniel. Im so damn proud of u; and not forgetting, freakin jealous! Argh. Lemme recall; he got A1 for Sci, B3 for Maths & Eng, B4 for Malay(he hates da subject,i noe..haha) and D7 for DNT. U got me depressed dear. Thankiu very much. Hahs. Dee took her Higher Malay and she got A2. Aiya. In short and in general, congrats to every single person whom i noe had passed. Congrats. And to dos whom i noe didnt do well, do not fret. Aint da end of da world. =))

Tml's da auditions for Singapore Idol. I wonder if he took my bet and joined da contest. Gosh. Lets hope he didnt. It'd be dooms day for me if he did. Sigh. To dat person, dun disturb me animore la. Ure as gd as dead. Dumb ass. Ure not a friend. So dun bother lookin for me wen uve got shyts dat u cant handle. Ive had enuf of ur shyts. Bbaahhh...

Eh eh. Pesta pesta pesta da start. Laters people...
Tasha Traazil. Happy Birthday girl! =))
Muhammad Raziman, iLOVEyou.
*mmuuaacckksss*

i.miss.you || i.need.you.now

2006-02-08T22:43:00.000+08:00

im bored stiff. nisa is stil sick and fana's busy wit her dance. yeah, da dance dat i backed out from. da reason being; i wasnt and am not prepared to face da humiliations/torments and well, its lyk tis. im totally claustrophobic abt it. gosh. didnt noe i was actuali claustrophobic. evritym my fwens assured me dat i was, i denied. total denial. fine, so i am. wth. nothin to be ashamed of. i admit. i fear being in a crowd. esp one fulla noise. i get annoyed easily and not forgettin, agitated wen sumone stands behind me and talks loudly. sigh.

was sposed to go out wit sayang afta his work 2dae but he hatta work OT coz got not enuf riders. poor ting my baby; wonderin wats he doin nw. sigh. rang up a few peeps but almoz evrione's not fwee. BORING. here's wat i did earlier on. woke up at 10+, woke up him up. he went work, i slept back. woke up at two. played da comp. offed da comp at six. watched tv. talked to him. slept. watched american idol. and am back on da comp. no life. bloody pathetic.

i so wtd to go to da beach wit him tis evening. but he has to work. argh. so not my day. i shud be workin my ass of instd off dependin on my bf. it aint fair for him. well, its too late for dat now. attchmnts jus next wk. hopefully CGH is stil paying us. dey shud. why work our ass off for notin ryte?! bahhh... im sucha spoilt brat. bad enuf my mum pampers me, now my bf's doin da same. i hate myself. im useless. sigh. my mum once said, "engkau lah madu, engkau lah racun nya". totally true.

im on my 13th stick of ciggies for da dae. gosh. 13. ive suddenly gotten myself addicted and am currently on tis ciggies binge. where da hell went my new yr resolutions? damn. anotha one of my addictions; speakin lyk an indon, and an amateur one at dat. i noe i sound crap and its bloody annoying. but sumhow it amuses me. kwang! ahah.

was lookin thru fwenster earlier on and gues hu dropped me a testy. NURISHA. my long lost evil twin. kwang! my mind stil boggles at da tot of dat. no, im not bein mean. but its lyk, its been ages since we last seen and spoken to each otha. durin my last yr in sec sch, we barely saw each otha and barely conversed two words. she's totally changed. radical. evribody's changin and i mean evribody. well, except me. im stil da same kental me. huahuahua... am reminiscing da past. realise my tremendous change in attitude durin ma sec sch day. gosh. sec two; a bitch. mean bitch. sadist. almoz evrione hated me. esp tis particular pain in da arse. she's stil sumhow part of my lyf. cant seem to get rid of her. sec three; da mina wannabe. dun wana go into der. sec four; da newly reformed me. am glad for da change thou it was temporarily. da yr where i totally gained plenty excess baggage by snackin. gosh. imma junkie. eheh. my heart felt gratitude goes to my best bud; for stickin wit me and bein my inspiration to take a big step in lyf. grrl, i stil love you. muackss. heyy. i won dat lil bet. =))

im wonderin. do i hav big breasts or small ones. sumtyms i find it too big coz dey get in da way of tings but sumtyms i find dem too small coz dey nvr seem to satisfy me. lyk wth. totally nonsensical. u noe, wen i slip at nyte, it seems so teeny weeny. yeah, i slip bra-less and panty-less. who doesnt? got a prob wit dat? sheesh. mum's oways nagging on why i shudnt wear my shorts too short nor my shirts too tite. i mean, wth. da male species wudnt care less coz dey've got deir own things to look at. sheesh. dog gone crap. whatever... anione keepin RA/porn videos in yr cell phones, pls do be careful. if caught, one video itself wud costs $10,ooo as a fine. yeah, i got my dose of hell and punishment from da law oredi. pass da word ard ppl. sigh. im missin ma phone and i miss my freedom to express my nudity as a form of art. huahuahua... wth. wat do i noe abt art? ahaks.

aahhh... did i mention dat i ran into him and his gf at da movies? well, he was der. makin out in da movies. dude, nxt tym go get yrself a room or sumtin. and pls do NOT wear yr nursin uniform. wat kinda impression were u tryin to make? u're totally disgracin us man. dumb ass.

time for me to call sayang. he's back from work. finally. b4 dat, here's sumtin dat came across my mind. it was jus da otha dae dat we grrls were on our way back home. da bus was packed but nys, yati and me managed to grab seats for ourselves. fana wast seated rite at da senior citizen area. so wen da seat nxt to yati's was empty, she called on to fana and placed her hand on da seat and said "chop" loudly. wakhakhakha... yati's expression was hilarious. da entire bus corrupted into laughter. damn gurl. u got me and nys crackin hard. hahas.

gosh. didnt noe i had so much to say. my boredom fanatics. well gotta go. laters people. miss you aznin natasya bte azman. muackss.

happy anniversary sayang.

2006-02-07T19:38:00.000+08:00

5 more days to da start of attchmt. Im partly estatic and partly, dreadin da long wks ahead. Currently soakin my legs in salt water while listenin to Wake Up by Three Days Grace. Im bored. My legs hurt cause i walked so much and my kneecap; well, dey're over expired. Sigh. Jus got back from Downtown East. Went to book a chalet for my dearest darling grandma for her 70th birthday sumtym end of tis mth. Cudnt get da Aloha resort. So freakin pissed off sey. Oh well. Wth. Anytin works. Ran into Awanis and few othas. Looong tym no see tis ppl. So yeah.

Yestdae was my anniversary wit dearie. It was definitely beta den our previous celebrations. For once, i felt truly madly deeply in love wit him. Call me a hopeless romantic; but i simply cant hide my adorations for him. Im so grateful to be blessed wit sucha sweetheart for a boyfie. Sigh. Him; wit his kaki tempang due to his accident, actuali rode his bike dwn jus to see me eventhou he was hurtin. Gosh. Dat totally touched my heart. Evritym he wtd to bend his legs, he was in pain but he kept quiet and assured me evritin was fine. My heart aches to see him in such condition. GOD. Tolonglah baik kan kaki nya dan kasi nya sembuh dengan cepat. Ameen. =))

We didnt reali plan anitin. He surprised me by comin ova my crib, picked me up, we headed to Tamp, had our late lunch and bote movie tix for Fun With Dick And Jane. Okay, it wasnt a romantic comedious movie or anytin. But i wtd to watch it so we did. Movie ended early so we headed back to ma crib. Da works. Huahuahua...

Tings turned into a disaster at nyte. Went to see him off at da carpark. But we ran into ma bro instd who was sitted by da pool side wit his biker fwens. Shittified. Lady luck was not on our side. I froze in my tracks, uncertain on watta do. I knew he hate me havin biker guys as fwens. Him and his over-protective shyt. So kental siakk. Wth. He walked over to da carpark but Salleh stopped him. Thank god. But his ethics didnt stop der. He went to ask da guards abt da parked bike. Mcm sial kan. Pukimak nye abg. Cant u for once jus leave me alone and mind yr business?! Doesnt mean u can interfere wit my lyf jus bcoz urs is a pathetic one! Makrib sial nye jantan. ARGH!!

Dat was wen dearie cudnt start his bike coz his leg was hurtin. I feared for his lyf, whereas he feared for mine. Was scared ma bro wud cum beat him up or sumtin. My fear. Sigh. But thank god nothin happened and dearie got da bike started soon. At dat tym, wen we were parting, tears was rollin dwn his cheeks. It hurts me to see him in pain and i walked back alone in da dark, crying and crying. Gosh. I was jus worried sick for his safety.

THANK GOD sayang was back home safe and sound. And well, bro didnt tok to me upon reachin home. To hell wit him. Sigh. Yestdae was da one day sayang said he was missin me so much and i felt his words run in me. GOD. Please take care of him and protect him from any future mishaps. I love him too much to lose him. Please keep an eye on him. And please3 help my mum recover from wateva sickness she has. And not forgetting, pls save me from my monstrous brother as well. Ameen. =))

Well. Wil blog again sumtym soon. Btw. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my precious cuzzy, NUR SYAFIQAH. Lucks to all whose gonna collect deir 'O' results tis coming Friday. Good luck. Best wishes. Take care. Laters...

my boyfriend.the lover.

2006-02-03T15:46:00.000+08:00

Im back. Finally getta blog in. I hate myself. Hate myself for startin to smoke again. Afta 5mths of stopping, i picked up da bad habit once again. Im sorry sayang. I cudnt help myself. Sigh. Der goes my so called resolution. Wth. Sayang got into a freaky road accident on Friday nyte and Saturday morning. Two RTA's back to back. Courtesy of moi, i guess. Lets not elaborate on dat. From da bottom of ma heart, he noes im apologetic abt it. Hurts to see him in pain and agony. Its lyk a scar in ma heart. Im sorry baby. God, pls let him hav a speedy recovery and lessen da pain he has to go thru. Ameen.

Sister's engagement took place jus last Sunday. And da event was a major success eventhou i was freakin tired. Dressed in a creamy coloured kebaya, i almost cudnt recognise da pretty face wit all da make-up. For once, she looked reali pweety. Eheh. And as usual la, she was late. So was i. And Dee. Eheh. Our side, da female one, looked reali radiant in green. Half way thru da event, Abg Fie ajak us go chill. Him, Nas, Dan, Dee and me went for a spin. I stil cant believe it. Sumhow im startin to look up to Abg Fie as an adult now. A biiig one indeed. He jus got his license and i must say, he can reali drive. Very smoothly indeed. Didi took da bike. We stopped by 7eleven to get sum drinks and chilled at Pasir Ris park. It was so weird. Dee and me were in our kebayas. And since it was a CNY day, Pasir Ris park seemed lyk a malay kampung indeed. We got back home and it was off to anotha marathon of cleanin up. *groans*

Visited sayang da otha day. His aunties were ard so i didnt enter. Bote him biscuits, fruits and all. Am glad he liked dem and finished dem up. Eheh. My darlx got an appetite of a monster. Huahuahua..

I lost my EZ link jus da otha day while out wit Nys. Either lost it in da bus from ECP or at da toilet in Bugis. Most prolly in da toilet. Ive yet to make a report. Sigh. No card, and i gotta pay a stoopid fare of 90cents for a short bus ride. Damnn. So freakin pissed off. But thank gawd Izhar was ard to for me to punch. And well, Fahmy; for me to hug and hold. Sigh. Sayang wud sure get mad if he founds out. Sigh. Thanks to Iz for dat game of pool and Nys for keeping me company. Missing Fana thou. Lets hope we'll getta meet her soon.

Laters people...
*huggs*

help me.help me.

2006-01-21T22:22:00.000+08:00

Damn. Ngantok la siakk. So cant wait to pop in bed and sleeep. But 1st, coupla tings i gotta to do. So yeah yestdae my friday was spent slacking at home. Nisa was sick with her red shot eyes and bleedy nose. Poor grrl. Fana; went MIA for da day. It was raining so i styed in. Believe it onots, i actuali did sum serious house chores. Swept, mop and vacuumed da living room and da kitchen. Took out all ma clothes from da wardrobe and re-folded dem nicely. And surprise surprise. Didnt noe i had soo many clothes! Clothes dat i worn once or twice were stil brand new and hidden beneath da pile of my "common" ones. Ahaks. Dad left for friday prayers and i sat down infront of da TV, singing along to every single BSB songs being played on MTV. Berjiwang la konon... Dat was so kental. Nyeahas. But i was bored, watta do ryte... Eheh. Took out ma books and started studyin. Oxygen therapy. Chain of infection. Specimen collection. Blah3... All of it being played in ma mind now. Sheesh.

So yeah dat was yestadae. Slept at 3plus; accompanyin Elfian on da phone. Sayang was out slackin wit da matreps. Yucks. Eheh. Woke up early mornin and was stil indecisive on whthr to attend da work training or nots. Fana stood me up. So yeah it was up to me to go alone. And so i did. Believe it onots, i was stil not sure whthr i wtd to go or nots; and i was oredi on da bus! I came late. Lyk wth... Azri and his idiotic fwen was der! Urgh. Training went well. Da ppl were a-ok. My skirt was super short! So not me. Double urgh.

Half way thru da trainin, my migraine started. And all bcoz i skipped bfast. Sheesh. Afta training ended, headed to 7eleven and bote OREO cookies and green tea. Yes, OREO COOKIES with choco fillings! Eheh. I noe, fattening. Blah3... Headed to Bugis to mit my precious grrl fwen. Finally ate at KFC and headed to NLB. Met Shasha. Lookin pwettier as eva. Studied for awhile b4 my migraine started again and we grrls were off to a marathon of gossips and catching up wit each otha. Tasya hatta leave and i met up wit Dee and her fwens. Dee and me walked in da rain and headed to Raffles City. Her umbrella perangai la... Hehe. Walked ard for awhile wen Paman rang and we headed back to Golden Landmark. Ran into Zairul and his fwens. Merepek la siakk dos guys. Den ran into Atyn oso. So yeah while waitin for Paman, tis negro guy came up to me and ajak kenal2. Dee mcm siakk runaway. I was so fweakin scared. Bad experience from da past. *shudders*

At dat moment of tym, i jus wtd sayang to be my side to hug and comfort me. I was so fweakin terrified dat flashes of da past were playin in my mind. Sheesh. Thank gawd Paman came and saved da day. We headed to Vista Point and met up wit nenek and fam to eat at Banquet. How i felt so secure bein in da presence of my beloved ones. Sigh... So yeah now im safely home and i so neeed a fuckin long sleeep.

Nytes for now.
Sayang, i love you so much.
Bawak motor tu hati2 ye.
Muackss!

change CN posting

2006-01-19T20:46:00.000+08:00

Freak. Im pissed i tink. Da reason being; Fiza, Aini and me aint in da same grp as our previous clinical posting and it sucks. Mdm Phua's stil incharged of da previous grp. And ders so many new peeps. And great guys. And my group; sheesh! Got dat stoopid Marcus Chia. Kental la siakk. He's da only guy. Pathetic. He's lyk a grrl oredi, so most prolly all of us wud be posted to female ward. Shyts. My excitement lasted for a few seconds wen Sin Kai tod me dat our group mates didnt change. And lyk wtf... No more Imran. No more Arina. No more Suhailah, Ana, Wanie and whoeva else. Bingit la siakk. Why dey hatta change da bloody fuckin grp? ARGH!!! So yeah. Der shud be more hot gossips since Nora is wit Haifa. Adi and Harith is in da grp and well, blah3... Woteva. Hrmph!!!

Fine, i'll jus accept da fact dat da peeps have changed and i'm in a totally new group. Shyts. So anws, slacked in sch wit Nisa and Fana. Watched Ein perform at da atrium/amphitheatre. Sat wit da grrls and wit Adam, Epul and da guys. Ein sounded good but abit kekok. One thang freaks me out. Da guys from tis particular grp seated at da otha end was consistently callin out my name and i haf no clue hu dey are. Freak. Wonder if i noe dem... So anws gotta check out da newbies. Most of dem pweety nice peeps. Ahh yesh, met up wit Miza tis morn and accompanied her to sch. She's a rather nice grrl. Uhuh...

So yeah. Am in dance and as da days are nearing, am feelin rather... Well, lets jus say my inferiority complex is back. Scared lyk hell la. Am gonna compete against Arina's group. And its lyk, dey all consists of mainly minah's who can dance. Ppl wit attitude. Da kinda grrls guys wud want to haf as deir grrl fwens and well, fuck ard. Nyeahas. Shyts. Didnt mean to diss Arina. She's a gd fwen and all. And i jus dun feel lyk competing against her. We've been 2getha and neva against each otha. So shyts. SIGH.

Changi Village hotel gaf me a ring jus da otha day. And training's tis Sat and den we can book our schedules for nxt week. Fana last min back out. Dunoe whthr i wana go or nots. Paiseh la go alone. Eheh. Am thinking... SIGH.

No mood oredi. Laters.

wit izhar -busybody.

2006-01-17T23:22:00.000+08:00

Was so not in da mood for sch today. Had CN mock test; but it was more lyk an open book test. Hahas. A and C class combined and it was so freakin noisy. Sch was packed lyk fuck. So many newbies. And as usual, da DJ was doing his thang at da atrium/amphitheatre. And da wicked buaya was up to her tricks. Tryin so hard to flaunt her buaya-ish looks wit her skeleton-ish body. So fugly! But i must say, ders loads of cute lookin guys. And i mean REALLY good lookin ones. So yeah, now ders 3 batches of nursin students. Da newbies, da current yr ones (my batch) and da yr twos. Nursin peeps itself was oredi conquering da sch. Eheh. Met a coupla familiar faces. No more low profile now. Heh.

So yeah sch was so packed. Wtd to sit dwn and watched da performance and cuci mata jap but didnt have da mood. We grrls met up wit Izhar and headed to Tamp. Thanks to courtesy of our lil romeo, we had discounts for KFC. Sumhow yestdae eatin it was very hearty. Eheh. Walked ard TM b4 decidin to slack unda da block. Nisa and Izhar were doin deir own thang. Bored; me and Fana watched sum videos at Izhar's phone. Tangkap stim jap. Nyeahas.

Shai told me dat he was in ITE Simei, but have yet to run into him. Am hopin i getta c him soon. Miss dat lil teddy bear of mwine. Hehe. Ouh yeah. I ran into Fahmy at da canteen yestdae. Saw him tokin to tis grrl and my heart sank. I dunoe wats wrg wit me. Evritym i see him wit a girl friend of his, i get all jealous and well, hurt. I noe i shudnt be since we have nothin going on oredi but i cant help but feel a lil sumtin for him. It sucks, i noe. And yeah, he msged and told me abt da identity of dat grrl. Felt glad dat he stil updated me wit his lyf. So yeah.

Final semester exams is jus next wk and ive yet to start serious revision. So much for slacking. Eheh. So yeah i'll start now. Ladeeda. She went Sentosa wit MY bikini and claimed to have lost it. Lyk wtf... Fine, i'll keep mum abt tis now. Laters people.

outing wit da grrls.

2006-01-16T23:57:00.000+08:00

Am so freakin tired today. Exhausted. Penat. Fatigue. And wateva else. Tis week NO SCHOOL!! Thank gawd. But spent da entire day outt. Slept for 2hrs plus. Met up wit Fana and had MacD for bfast. Nisa joined us soon afta. Took da train to Jurong East. My butt ached. SERIOUSLY. Trains shudve cushioned seats or sumtin, for ppl on long rides. Saket siakk bontorts.

Wtd to go to IBP. Took da bus but terlajak da bus stop. Ended up ard Irah's estate, Teban. Took da cab since we grrls were totally clueless. Da driver was so damn nice. He shud get a courtesy award or sumtin for bein so swit and well, entertaining. Eheh. Da cab fare was lyk 3bucks. Cheap. Da CREATIVE centre really looked damn nice. Der were no Qs so tings were done in a short period of tym. While waitin, Fana played da comp and Nisa actually plugged in her iPod shuffle at da comp's USB port and charged her iPod. Lyk wot da hell... Buruk siakk perangai. Hahas. So yeah sent my mp3 for repairs. Believe it or nots, i totally forgot dat my mp3 was a 5GB one. Bodo ryte... Hahas.

We decided to walk back to da MRT station and Fana suggested takin a short cut; which was walkin unda da MRT line. It was a total disaster! 1st we hatta cross da longkang on tis thin piece of wood which was unstable. Scary la sia. Nisa ended up shoutin da loudest. Hahas. Den half way der was tis stoopid crazy dog. Kept on staring at us. Bodo peh anjing. And finally da worse of all, da grounds were stil a lil muddy from da previous rain. Der were slips here and der but thank gawd none of us fell. Eheh. But our shoes got freakin dirrty! So da siakk. We went to da toilet to wash off da mud but ended up causin a great mess in da toilet. Im sorry auntie. Thank gawd we dun stay aniwhere near der. Hahas.

Took da bus to Bugis. Walked awhile at Bugis Village and headed to Beach Rd. Mcm siakk seyy. Of all da days, da entire Beach Rd was closed for washing! Mcm sial kan! Travel so far only to eat but only to find out its closed. Hampeh. We den headed to Compass Pt to eat. Bote boyfie tis ring and engraved it. Cantek gilerr... Hehe.

So yeah got back at nyte and dad started his rants. Showered and watched DIA. Geram la siakk watch dat show. ARGH!!!

Ive to continue studyin. So laters.

depressions.

2006-01-14T23:06:00.000+08:00

Sucha pissing off day today. My boyfren; i jus dunoe wat he wans from me. Ive been so totally patient and giving him face but da more im patient, da more he steps on my head. Lyk wtf... In general, its obvious he's havin his insecurity complex. PLEASE lor, if i wanted sumone else, i wudnt be wit u now! SHEESH. Twice today we argued. So annoying! ARGH!

So anws, woke up early today. Went for lunch wit mum and sis at Magic Wok Whitesands. Met up wit Nisa and Fana at intrch afta lunch. We took da bus to Bugis. Freak! It was a long one and a half hour journey. Despite da long journey, we sat at da back and diss passer-bys below. Hahas.

Terserempak Didi and Bella at NLB. We headed to da basement to study. Afta awhile we got restless and started gossiping. Hahas. We left soon afta seven and met up wit my boyfie. Headed back to Tamp and went to eat at KFC CPF der. Walked ard and finally met up wit Izhar at abt ten plus. Fana's back and mine were aching and we decided to head back home. Misundastanding wit boyfie began. Suar peh jantan. Mcm sial buat perangai dpn kwn ako. ARGH! Cudnt be bothered wit him and jus walked off. He gave no chase though. Been avoidin his calls and msgs since jus nw. SIGH. Am so totally confused. Why he has to hurt me; i have no idea. Jus hopin for a miracle to happen and he'd change.

So yeah. MUSE's Unintended is constantly playing in ma head. SIGH. Im so fuckin depressed. Help me anyone?!

friday dance pract. heylo faris!

2006-01-13T23:18:00.000+08:00

Been a few days since i last blogged in. Ma hectic schedule has got me so freakin tired. *groans* Nevertheless, have so much to blog in. Hmms... Lets begin wit Hari Raya Haji.

Hari Raya Haji tis yr was a fun one. It was tiring though. Helped mum wit loads of stuffs. So yeah, despite all da happiness, i was a lil disturbed upon hearin dat grandpop has to undergo an eye op due to his cataracts. As a nurse to be, i udstd its jus a minor op but i jus cant help but feel a lil worried. I love him sho much. Scared if anitin happens. Choy! Urgh. *shudders*

So yeah, woke up da next day feelin weak and well, didnt wana go sch. Was stil in bed at 0734am! Hahas. Finally got ma ass up and headed to sch. BHS test went well. And sch ended early. Met up wit dearie at grams place. We were stil argueing abt dat lil issue but tings went well afta awhile and we made up of course. Our own lil happy ending. Ehek. Da rain certainly helped in washing our troubles away. Hahas. Thursday was anotha boring, rainy day. I went sumwhere but i forgot where. Sheesh. Memory loss.

So yeah. Cant wait to blog abt jus now! Der was no mornin lesson todae. Afrah, Fana and me headed to TM. We went to eat at MacD. Afta which, went to Samuel & Kevin. Bote Ein his belated bdae pressie. Da shirt is lawa giler! Nyeahas. Anws, bote him dat plus a card and wateva nots and ltr met up wit him in sch. His facial expression made me happy. I knew he liked it. Wahahaha. Bangga sendiri. Hehe. So anws, today Mdm Yeo mcm pukimak. She was in a bad mood and extended our CN lesson til 3pm! Lyk wtf ryte... Den Mdm Phua came in to release our test results. I tot i'd get forty-ish marks again but i did not. It was so upsetting. SHE got highest amongst us all. Irritating fucker! I beat Nana again though. Eheh.

Lesson ended nearing 4pm and me and da grrls (dance) gathered at one table while waitin for da meeting to start at 5pm. We didnt plan to eat but seeing Fana eat her Niang Tofu, everyone joined in. Hahas. We jus chilled at da cafe and criticised evri single mats and minahs hu came to our sch. Dos Jan'06 intake. Hahas. We reali had a gd tym and due to Fana's crazy-ism, we cracked alot! Met Hafizah CB. She's going into ITE Simei too. Taking up Multimedia though. Nevertheless, cool. So yeah, we went to da dance studio. Der, we were introduced to da year twos. And and and... Faris is sho damn HOT!!! Sho much flava. Ahaks. Nini and me cudnt stop oogling at him. And yeah, he looked me in da eye and i jus melted. Aaaahhhh... He was sho sexy. Da way he danced, he moved and he smiled. So irresistable! Eheh. So yeah. Tis cumin 21st is our next dance pract. And i so dun wanna miss it! Hehe.

Im freakin tired now. Oredi dance ended late and me and Nisa went TM to walk ard before headin back home. SIGH. No one can accompany me to Jurong tml morning. Ouh wells. Need to sleeep. Nytes. ~Dreaming of Faris~

so much for a happy ending.

2006-01-09T23:36:00.000+08:00

Im tired. Im feelin weak all over. Hopin tis ordeal wud last and tings wud be a-ok btwn me and my boyfie. Yes, he has forgiven me and is givin me a second chance. But i cant help but feel guilty and well, a lil upset dat tings had turned a lil sour btwn us. Da reason bein; i confessed to him dat i was stil seeing his brother. I noe, i noe. Call me a bitch and woteva else. Brotherly bond shud not destroyed and as da saying goes, brothers for life, sehidup semati. But dat was an irrational decision i made wen i agreed to be wit Mon. And all dat was an impulsive act i had done wen sayang and me had an arguement back den. Blame it on me and my irrational-ism. Acting w/o thinking. Me and my stupidity.

Yes, im stil feelin guilty but ders a sense of hatred in me. Blame it on dat stoopid Mon. How i ate up his loving words blindly. SHEESH. Its too late to change da situation and ders definitely no cryin ova spilt milk. But im hopin i can make da situation better abit. Firstly, my sincerest apologies goes to Ayuni, Mon's girl friend. Yes, she may not be readin tis but i jus nid to get tis off my chest. If its true, here's a thing or two i gotta say. Im sorry dat u were beaten up badly and im sorry dat i was da cause of it. Mon accused me of tellin u abt our lil affair. Fine, i'll accept dat. And i shud be da one being beaten up. Not you. But jus to clear tings; i confessed to my boyfie da truth and im surprised dat Mon did not. To make matters worse, he was in total denial and resorted to violence. Im sorry u had to go thru such ordeal. And i hope u realise wat a monster he is. Im jus hopin for da best to u and him in yr relationship and hope u realise soon enuf before u decide to get engaged wit him. SIGH.

Bloody mother fuckin jerk. I didnt realise wat a coward u are til tis ting happened. Imagine callin yrself sum big shot but ur a freakin scaredy cat within. Namer aje Mon Angkong tapi konek kecik. Hati kecot kape boy?! Da berani buat, berani tanggung ah. Sedap hati aje rembat pmpan ko?! Bodoh peh binatang. GERAM NYE AKO!!!

FINE. To hell wit him. ARGH. How can i pretend nothin is wrg wen im carryin tis guilt in me? Ive played my boyfriend out and hurt him so badly, and yet he forgives me and stil wants to be wit me. I dun deserve tis. I shud be punished. SIGH. Sayang, wen u told me everyone makes mistakes and u were ever ready to forgive me and accept me back, i knew from dat moment how deep ur love for me was and i knew ur da one i wanna be with. You're for keeps, dats for sure. My sincerest apologies for all da shyts ive done to you. No matter how much u wana be protective over me, i'll accept every single treatment from u w/o any complain. Im aware of my mistake and wil try to amend things. Im ever so thankful dat i have sumone lyk u. Rest assured i wont waste wateva i have now. I love you so much dear.

happy anniversary sayang.

2006-01-07T22:11:00.000+08:00

Anotha rainy day today. Woke up to da ringing of my alarm clock and dat of my cell. Ah yesh, sayang woke up earlier than me and was bugging me to wake up to meet him. We were sposed to have bfast in da mornin and spend da aftanoon 2getha. And it was only 0759am wen he first msged me. He called and i slept back. Terible. Hahas.

Finally got my ass up at 1015am. He arrived at 1035am and i only met up wit him at 1107am. By den it was too late for bfast and we slacked unda da block til noon. Sayang actuali tried on my pink jacket. Dear, u dun look gd in pink lor! HAHAS. Headed to Whitesands for bfast cum lunch. Boy, i was so freakin hungry! I actuali ate 10 pieces of dos weeny sausages from Cavana. And sayang bote OCK and sushi. Walked at WS and headed to grams place. My shoes got soaked in rain and da paint stuck on my feet. Fuck fingers. Slacked der til 4plus. Afta which we both seperated. Sayang hatta visit a relative hu jus passed away. So yeah. Upon reachin ma crib, realised my room was raided. DAMN THAT BLOODY MOTHER FUCKING BROTHER OF MINE!!

Few stuffs destroyed, torned and broken by him. And its all because he dendam dat i had da PC password-ised. Lyk wtf ryte. Grow up la siakk. Headin 21 tis yr and his behaviour is so childish. Nak harapkan badan besar aje. Tapi otak udang! Bodoh peh binawet! ARGH! So its been lyk wot, say, a mth plus oredi dat we havnt been tokin? Lyk wtf ryte. Jus bcoz YOUR LIFE IS SO BLOODY PATHETIC, doesnt mean u can INTERFERE WITH MY LIFE!!

I jus wana stab him in da heart, beat him to death and set his entire body ablaze. Evil knievel. Wtf lor... He deserves to die. He SHUD NOE BETTER NOT TO MESS WIT ME!!

SHEESH. So here i am now listenin to Stockholm syndrome by MUSE and hopin ALL tis wud end. SIGH. Someone PLEASE give me a job. I NEED da work so BADLY. CVH PLEASE call me. PLEASE.

SAYANG, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! Love you to pieces dear. Muackkss.

izhar and nisa. cheered me up.

2006-01-05T22:09:00.000+08:00

Todays's thursday and thursday sucks biiig tym. Sucha looong dae. And i was in sucha freakin bad mood. Moody moody moody. Maybe its bcoz of HER presence. Yeah, HER! Somehow evritym i see her, da feeling of hatred boils up within me. And ders no logical explaination. I dunoe larh. Its not lyk she did anitin to me. Well, maybe she did in da past but aiya, i dunoe larh. I hate her. I dun lyk her. I abhor her. I diss her. I despise her. Blah3... In short, she spoiled my day lor. Wen i look at her, i jus wana shut her mouth up and seal it tite. Jus lyk in da movie, House Of Wax. Stoopid, i noe. Wot da hell. Gues da hi-lite of my day wud be Izhar goin back wit Nisa. Eheh. Dey looked so swit 2getha. And yeah, he's damn irritatin lor. But gues he aint dat bad. Ahakz.

So yeah. U noe how it is wen u get into a rship and suddenly all da guys u were contactin before starts contactin u back? Well, dats da phase im goin thru now and its sucks. Sure, ive had feelings for dos guys before and had oways hoped to be wit dem at certain tyms but dat was da past and well, ryte now its jus annoyin me. Guys lyk Zuri hav come back. Not forgettin Hafiz and Mon. SIGH. I do hav da teeniest bit of feelings for dem but lyk dey say, dat was da past. And now dat dey've come clean and confessed to me, it leaves me confused and well, i jus dunoe watta do. Dun get me wrg. Aint bein a bittch here. I LOVE my boyfie and wudnt trade anione else wit him. But i gues sumwhere in me, my heart is tellin a different story. Gosh. I cant believe im actuali sayin tis. GEEZ. Fine lets jus forget abt dem.

Final piece ive gotta say. Grams singaporean-jb neighbour, Atok Daud jus lost his grandson due to a freakin accident. Padahal dier duduk belakang la siak and he he was da only one hu died. Damn his malaysian fwens. Dey shudve died too. And he was sposed to start NS sumwhere in March or sumtin. Accident happened few days back but only came out in da papers today. Late news.

So yeah. Dats dat. Now im off to my phone marathon wit my boyfie. Whee... Hehe. Argh. CMSK sucks. Nytes.

rainy day. met didi and boyfie.

2006-01-04T19:46:00.000+08:00

Rainy day today. So miserable. I shudve been at home sleepin and enjoyin da cold weather, but i hatta miss all dat and spend my aftanoon out in da rain. Well, sort of urh. Sch ended a lil early jus now. And kebetulan Didi ajak mit up since she was too early in meetin up wit Fad and Lyn. Met up at Whitesands. We bote Mac Donald (tapao-she belanje me) and went unda da block where i was sposed to mit up wit boyfie. He arrived soon afta but he didnt wana sit wit us. Lyk wot da fuck ryte... His excuse; he aint used to havin bisexuals as fwens and felt awkward. It was soon afta much persuadin dat he came to sit wit us. But dat pun he didnt tok much. So yeah wot da hell. And da weather didnt help one bit. Afta Didi left, me and him fote ova dunoe wot shyt. We made up of course but i stil felt so fucked up. SIGH. And yeah, he left his house keys wit me. Fuck. Laters people...

met boyfie.

2006-01-03T20:21:00.000+08:00

Tuesday was da begining of sch for da week and it went a-ok. Well, except for da part dat canteen was once again packed wit so many of us Simeians. So anws, accompanied Nana to TM afta sch to collect her sim card. We ran into dat grrl me and Cipak were bittchin abt. Sum simeian. Was supposed to mit boyfie at Sembawang but my dearest darling offered to come to Pasir Ris instd. Waited for him at Grams place before mitin up wit him. He made me sucha happy princess today. Whee... Hehe. TV tym fer now peeps. Laters...

new year; new resolutions.

2006-01-02T01:01:00.000+08:00

Hello 2006, Goodbye 2005.

Yesh, ive finally gotten ard gettin myself a new bloggie. A new year, and a new leash of life. Okay lets recap into the past year; one filled with fulla euphoric moments and also bad memories. Ladeeda.

`* I spent my hols working at Suntec City Banquet and Coffee Bean Bugis.

`* I got my O level results and did not do well. I passed Maths though.

`* I went into ITE and took up Nursin.

`* I got into a minor bike accident.

`* I was 4mths late wit my grrl thang. Scared da hell outta me!

`* I met a few great guys. Unforgettable.

`* I'm happy wit my besh bud and my groupies.

`* I went for my 3mth attchmt at CGH.

`* I got terminated from CB.

`* I got into trouble wit da law. Serious one.

`* My parents gave me hell and i was freakin miserable.

`* I got into a rship and am stil in it.

And da list goes on and on...

Well, for starters, im determine to start off 2006 wit my precious boyfie, new career and new character. No more da rebellious me. Da reason for da change; im not sure. But maybe its becoz of da shyt i got myself into wit da law dat opened my mindset of life and evritin else. Im pretty much contented wit how life is now. Im enjoyin da company of my boyfie and da everlovin peeps hu hav been wit me thru thick and thin. And im happy enuf to finally hav understandin parents hu actuali listens to me and we're stil workin on our parent-daughter rship.

To hell wit da past. Ah yesh, im totally remorseful wit woteva shyts ive done to make my parents disppointed wit me. My new year resolutions tis yr; is to not disappoint dem as i had done so in da past yr. Ive listed down few of my new yr resolutions and im determined to keep to dem. As stated;

`* Wana shed few kilos by end of da yr.

`* Maybe retake my O levels tis yr.

`* Settle sch work and find a job.

`* Save money and support parents.

`* Graduate from nursin wit gd GPA results & head to poly.

`* Take my license. Both bike and car.

`* And never ever hurt my parents again.

So far dats da list i have. More to come i guess. Ouh wells. Blog again sumtym. Wana watch project runway. Ladeeda.